To feel like my dd has noone but me :(

[needagoodnightsleep1]

This situation has gone on for years, with me been made told its normal but it doest sit well with me and Im looking for other people perspective/opinions. It wont change the circumstances but I need to say it aloud.

My exh and I have one dd together. His immediate family and two ds from a previous marriage all live within a mile of me and dd.

Not one of them ask about her, ask to see her or spend any time with her. My dd's gm lives literary a stone throw from us has never taken her out, never looked after her and has seen two/three times in 4 years when my exh brought her there.

His ds from previous marriage said shes only half a sister and they already have one. Refuse to out with exh if shes with them.

His brother and him had an argument literally days after she was born and has never even met her. He also lives approximately a mile away.

My exh's sister does lives further away but regularly visits their dm and hasn't seen dd since she was born.

When questioned they will just say well you never invite us anywhere, you dont bring her here.

My family all live abroad so we have no one here.

AIBU to feel sad for my dd and how do I explain any of this when shes older. It it really that unfortunate to have so many people in one family to just not bother.

My dd isnt the only gc my exh's dm doesn't see. She has 4 others she hasn't seen for years. Shes only bothers with her dd's ds.

Is it up to us to make sure she has a relationship with them?

That must be really painful for you OP. But she doesn’t have to be alone. Work on strong friendships, if you are religious join a church/mosque/synagogue and go to events. Create regular hobbies. Check out adopt a gran. Or befriend a lonely elderly person and brighten their day.

She hasn’t been given the family you want but you can create it. They can grow up with lots of adults/close friends to ground them or give them a sense of community.

None of it is in your control. He is your ex. It's down to him what relationships he builds with his family.

However as pp said - you can make a family of friends. So put your effort into building relationships with people that may become like family.

(Is there a normal family? I don't think so....so don't worry about what you don't have.)

I think this has something to do with or shows reflection on your exh my partner is the same with his dad and his dads side of the family but that's because my partner never got mentioned or spoke about like he wasn't even part of their family and his nana on his dads side is all for his dads other two kids but doesn't bother with my partner which then leaves out son out too because they don't bother with my partner it's crazy they allow what he must allow it should be your exh responsibility to be taking your daughter round to his side of the family he's the reason probably why their so disconnected is your exh and your daughter close do they have a bond?

Thank you both for your reply. I know its out of my control we do have a small network of people but not really anyone we can rely on.

I think it hit home when i was completing some forms for school in September. They asked for emergency contacts and other people permitted to collect dd and I realised there was no one to add :(.

I do need to be pro active join some groups and meet new people. Make a new family like unit for ourselves.

Its just sad sometimes when someone you love so much isn't cared about by people you would presume would :(

@honeyy123 yes i agree its an exh issue. In that he doesn't see an issue. They were like that with the other two ds so he thinks its normal. There relationship is ok. But he's a bit flaky he also cannot be relied on. Its just reflective of him and his family. Upset with myself for expecting more really

No I completely understand it just shows that your caring we all have expectations of people and we all get let down it would hurt you more aswell as your daughter is half of you so there basically hurting you too I feel the same about my sons dads side of the family but as long as your daughter has you that's all that matters and she will know herself once she's old enough (if she already isn't) your doing the best job you can x

I get you OP. I am an adult but my beloved gran died 3 months ago and now I feel like 'family' for me if just my mum. She has 3 brothers and respective families but they are all 'so bust living their lives'. They didn't give a stuff about my poor gran - well ok they are sad she's gone but they didn't care enough to come and help us. Makes me very sad.

I am the same. My DC never see their uncle or cousins on exH side. Uncle only visits exH alone, without his own kids, and when exH doesn't have the DC. We used to live 10 mins up the road from exH and a few times I said they could come over so he could at least say hello to the DC - they did it once or twice, spent an awkward 10 mins on the doorstep. The DC now say they don't even know what that side of the family looks like. Ive just had to take a step back because I can't force it. I have a large family with loads of cousins of various ages so we "share" mine! I just cannot understand it though.

That's sad but I also think it's better to have one good relationship than a lot of toxicity - which it sounds like there is in your EX's family.

Maybe you should focus on what you bring to the table. If you have good friendships they can be just as good, or maybe think about visiting your family, if it's possible.

Thank you for all your replies and your experiences. Sorry to hear some of you are going through the same but comforting all the same.

My dd and I have a wonderful relationship and im very fortunate. I should just concentrate on that rather than who she hasn't got. We've also been very lucky and have spent a-lot of time with my family this year even though they live the other side of the world. We are making plans to see each other next year so looking forward to that x