Apologies but this may get a bit long winded but I really need to vent, and perhaps get some insight or resolutions to ideas how to navigate this family issue.
My mum is someone who has never been there for emotional support. She has lost quite a few family members through the years so this I can understand why she is the way she is.
My sister is 2 years older than myself. I love her dearly and have tried to maintain some sort of a relationship with her throughout the years.
Here is a typical behavioral issues that arise all too often and its exhausting, this is from both my DM and DS. I really love my family and seeing we have always been so dysfunctional I need insight.
My DS makes everything about her, in any setting, she is 54 so this has been going on for as long as I remember. If there is an invitation to a gathering of some sort, with us as a family, and she is not the main focus, she will make herself the focus, its really odd to witness, on the outside it looks like she is friendly but then once the gathering is over, she will badmouth someone from the gathering, really tarnish their persona and credibility, then white wash herself if called upon it. Honestly I know I have been tarnished by her too and she does this to my face, if around people she is introducing me to she will say things that are really odd and hurtful. I am sure people find it odd to hear.
As a child I was constantly being bullied by her, and as an adult she will happily emotionally bully me or anyone who she feels has not been attentive to her enough, then be super nice if she needs something from me or anyone else she has been back stabbing.
I have seen her be really abusive towards her own DD when she was just 2 years old when living with me at he time. She is rude to people in restaurants, shops or any similar setting. She needs to have the last word, if a topic is being discussed, she will know all the facts and will exhaust people into submission or silence, she needs to be right on every occasion and will never apologies if in the wrong. its odd. My DM is unfortunately the same here. They are uncanny similar in behavior.
My parents have been staying over at mine from oversees and I am exhausted. They are going home soon but I have been told that the reason they moved abroad is due to the family dysfunction, or more like me for wanting to resolve our fragile family dynamic. It really hurts to hear that she wants nothing to do with it and has said she is glad she lives far away so she can life her life happy.
I have been the individual left to pick up the burns from my DS with regards to my mum on so many occasions. They are always being victimised in some way by others or each other. I then get shot down for suggesting they speak to one another rather than through myself. In all honesty I feel like running away.
Now things have blown up again and I am the black sheep again. So what I did this morning was tell my DS that I no longer can withstand this behavior's and am going to withdraw. I actually had to block her in the end as she got really abusive taking things out of context and making me out to be really unfair to her. I am so broken by all this family drama and just need to know who do others function when the family you thought you had really is just so toxic?
I am so sad I have never had a loving family, its been like living a lie where for a fleeting moment I thought we were all getting there and then it all comes crashing down. How do I move on from this lovely people?
Many thanks if you made it this far