Please don't flame me but ...

[sparlight]

I've met a man who is everything I would never normally go for ..
I like tall professional men with hair. He is my height , bald and not professional BUT we click, get in amazingly well , laugh an enormous amount and the intimacy is like nothing I've experienced before . He is an incredibly hard worker and is wealthy in his own right .
He is not conventionally attractive and I never planned on having a relationship after twenty abusive years, yet here I am...
I see him in a photo and think gosh he's really not what I find attractive, yet when I'm with him I can't get enough of him .
I'm wondering if this intial infatuation can last when those physical characteristics are those that I never have found attractive in a man .
Have any of you experienced this?
Please tell me how it worked out thanks.

It sounds like you have a great chemistry together. Your mind said you wanted one thing but your heart said “ hang on a minute!”

Why would you be flamed for finding someone who's not your 'usual type' attractive?

You love the person they are, not the skin you wished they had.

The shallow people who got together for looks, in the end it wasn't enough of a glue to have them stay together happily.

The people I know who are happy together find each other attractive or more attractive due to shared experienced and personality.

Given your history (sorry) maybe it's good to go for someone not your usual type? Also don't jump the gun you might go off him in a few weeks or months for something that has nothing to do with his looks like how he eats certain food or pronounces some words.

Me. Happily married 11 years later still.

Looks fade anyway..

My DH is definitely not conventionally attractive physically.

But everything else about him is fucking amazing. We’re married 16 years. Looks mean nothing IMO. I used to go for who I found attractive and they all ended up being duds.

Am regularly asked if he has brothers btw 😁

Because it's shallow to think that the basis of a fabulous relationship is how someone looks. If you click, you click. Looks come second to that.

Thank you for taking the time to post the explanation.

I'm aware that it's shallow and that looks come second (or even further down the list), but I just thought it was an odd title to the thread and wondered why the OP would lead with a negative for what appears to be a positive situation.

I think I was ashamed f how shallow I was being . It's very hard to trust your own feelings after an abusive relationship. Many will say I'm not ready but I feel ready. I've done the work and believe that sometimes we can miss the best things if we don't grab opportunities even when it feels like I should wait and see.
Im surprised by my feelings towards him

Sounds great OP.

Most people have a few physical characteristics / social characteristics they like. Doesn’t mean the person they end up with will have them.,

I think it’s actually the other way round, people you find physically attractive in the beginning might not last when you get to know them better. If you find someone that you really get along with and makes you that happy that’s what makes a relationship work. Not what they look like. It’s not about that at all.

I think it's a really good sign.

If you fancy someone who's your usual 'type', you could just be attracted to how they look. You could have your head turned by how they look, and overlook the fact you don't like their personality so much.

The fact that despite how he looks you are attracted to him, may mean that you're looking straight at his character and not being swayed by his looks.

Whilst in the very short term we are attracted to looks, in the medium and long term, character matters 1000 more. In any case, looks can fade or change, whereas basic character tends to remain constant.

Finally I'd say that I've experienced people who on paper are my 'type' then got to know them and stopped fancying them. And I've met someone who wasn't on paper my type but the more I knew him, the more I fancied him. Actually I married him and now I think he's HOT.