Saying goodbye on holiday to adult DCs - am I pathetic?

[StTropezTan]

I hope this doesn’t come across as too self indulgent but it is genuinely causing me sadness.
DH and myself are in the middle of a fabulous villa holiday. My adult DS and his lovely GF joined us for 6 days and we’ve all had the most brilliant time. Loads of laughter, banter and general fun.
They're leaving today to go home to their home in the U.K. and back to work and I’m absolutely bereft! I’m in floods of tears and dreading the moment they drive off. It’s absolutely crazy as we’ve got another week here and I should be enjoying every minute but the place will seem so empty and quiet without their presence.
DH and I are happy and enjoy each others company so my feelings are so illogical. I’m never like this when the two of us go away together - just when one of our adult DCs leaves during a holiday. I was the same when our DD joined us a previous year. I missed her ‘scent’ around the place.
I guess I’m just over sentimental but please reassure me I’m normal!

My DC are a bit younger than yours but this scenario has happened once already and yes, it really unsettled me. Teenage DS left our holiday cottage in the UK as planned to go home to a friend’s party. I had less reason than you OP as we all met up again less than a week later! But I found it really upsetting and I am not really an emotional type. So seems normal to me.

It sounds like you have all had a lovely time together. Not many families would report that kind of experience after 6 days on holiday! What a lovely thing to be able to say

Feelings catch us out sometimes. Have a good cry and talk to DH about it if you can. It will pass

I would feel sad to see them go but not in a negative way.

It seems a bit pessimistic or melodramatic to be anticipating floods of years and missing them. Why spoil your present moment thinking like this?

Get your positive mindset on and plan the lovely things that you will do in the second week. Especially things that they might have been less interested / keen on.

Also: I would hate to feel my parents’ happiness depended on my presence.

I totally get this. We live overseas and my adult DS (lives in the UK) he comes over to visit every few months....when he leaves I feel so lost without him. Like the whole dynamics of our family have changed . We still have DS14 at home , Me & DH and DS14 all get on brilliantly but having our DS21 at home makes us a complete unit. Just thinking about him leaving us on Wednesday (he is visiting us ) is making me well up 😭

I would much rather have parents that clearly maintain a close loving relationship with their children as you have. I have 3 grown up daughters and I still contact them all everyday or they ring me.

'Also: I would hate to feel my parents’ happiness depended on my presence.'

Absolutely. Have been on the receiving end of this many times and it does not feel good. So please do let the tears out, but ideally not in front of DS and his GF! If you do have a blub in front of them, then play it down and try to make light of it

It sounds normal to me! You will reset when they go and have a good time.

However do keep the feelings to yourself. It’s just a strong reaction but it will feel depressing to your partner and kids.

There is something specificly unsettling about holidays and people leaving early, it's not just children. I think it's because you have been having fun and you are away from home so a bit homesick? If they leave from your house it's quite nice to get back to normal but that doesn't apply when you are away.

I think it isn’t “ not normal”, but maybe a bit unnecessary on yourself
would it help to try to stop the thoughts about what you’re “ loosing” by ds departure, by focusing on really thinking and talking about positive experiences you’ve just had. Every time you start to think about him going, force yourself to think instead of what you did last Monday, say, what you enjoyed most etc. And also think about future holidays together- what made this one work so well , what you all enjoyed, how you would be able to do that again
you’re fixating and a little catastrophising on the present impending departure, try to force yourself not to spend time thinking about it, distract, divert your mind to more positive aspects of your time together

I think that’s it - you’ve hit the nail on the head. Must be a “holiday” thing? I never feel like this after they visit or stay at our home in the U.K., possibly helped by the fact when I’m at home once they’ve gone, I move on to every day routines and the usual daily distractions.

Glad it’s not just me too, so thank you for all your replies. In the past when I’ve had a teary wobble, my DCs take the pee out of me and joke that mum’s off on one again, which is actually great because we can all laugh in the moment.

DS had moved to Australia just before Covid, and there was a period of two years when we didn't see him. Now I always cry when we drop him off at the airport - and get laughed at! I tell them it's my past trauma from Covid.

I remember leaving my Mum and Dad in Florida once, and although nothing was said, I knew that Mum would have been happy to leave with us.

I think it's quite natural OP, but you need to control your tears and make the most of your time together - then have a mopey few hours when they've gone!

Don't let it spoil your holiday. You will see them soon.

Mine is definitely more selfish than yours. I feel the same when DC leave part way through the holiday, but I know it isn't really because they are leaving, it's because it reminds me that I am too. I always cry at the end of a holiday and never want to go home. I appreciate how lucky I am and I do actually love my non holiday life, but holidays are special.

That’s a good point. The place we are staying is exceptionally beautiful - even better than it looked in the photos when I booked it. It’s been so lovely for DH and me to share with the two of them so I think part of my sadness is them having to leave to return to “real life” sooner than us and missing out on the last week.

They've now left, and although I feel slightly empty, I feel less weepy! 🥴

I don't have any advice (my DC are a lot younger) but how lovely your bond sounds. I hope we'll be enjoying each other's company so much when mine are adults.

Hope you're OK now they've left and enjoy the rest of the holiday.

Thank you.

I like to feel we have a well balanced relationship with our DCs in their adulthood and they join us with their partners on holiday because we all get on rather than any sense of duty or obligation.
Ironically, our DS was particularly challenging when he was a teenager - very obnoxious, sullen and difficult. I remember often wondering where we had gone so wrong with him. Certainly not a pleasure to take overseas and at the time unimaginable that we would ever have such a great bond in the future.

He has now matured in his mid 20s into great company, wicked sense of humour, very responsible and just fun to have around. He and his adorable GF have left a bit of hole this afternoon but we’re slowly filling the gap!

YANBU. I am the same when oldest DD comes on holiday with us. She left early this year and it was so stupid but in the days we stayed on I would feel a kind of nostalgia when I walked around the little town we were in, like here was where we sat for a drink and here was where we went for a walk. I didn't let it show but after we waved her off on the boat I cried. Totally normal and just shows what a lovely relationship you have, of course it is sad when you say goodbye to someone you love that much.

I wish my parents had loved me like this and actually enjoyed being with me as a child and an adult. I’m sort of envious of your son!

Yeah it might seem a little dramatic on the surface to some people but it’s not intended to guilt trip. It’s the natural sadness that come at the end of having a really lovely time with people you love because it’s over till next time and your weirdly still in the ‘holiday place’ having to reset into a different ‘mode’ of holiday.

if I was your adult child I wouldn’t be sent into paroxysms of guilt that your happiness depended on me or any some such enmeshed crap. I’d just think “awww mum had such a lovely week with us and is going to miss us”

Also to add unless you have serious form for emotional guilt tripping 😉

I cried when my adult son dashed off from baggage reclaim to catch a train after a wonderful 3 weeks away together with other DS.
He's such good company. Sign of a good holiday, no?

I totally get this!

Slightly different situation but about 4 years ago I posted on here when I was sitting in an airport lounge in floods of tears because it was the first time our DS (then 18) didn't want to come on holiday with us. Bereft would be a word I would have used at the time.

We have just come back from a lovely villa holiday in Crete and guess who asked if he could come along with us this year (cheap holiday for him as he hadn't been able to afford a holiday for 4 years)). I had to hide my excitement! It was so lovely to be a family on holiday again and have proper conversations with him again. I'm not sure he will want to come with us again next year but I have a feeling it won't be our last holiday together.

I dropped my son and his gf off at the station today to go off on their own holiday travels and then back to uni straight after so I won’t see him until Christmas now. I’ve had them at home for two weeks but now it’s just me and I have spent all day feeling tearful, so kind of get where you’re coming from OP x

No. That isn't 'normal'
It is an extreme and overly dramatic reaction.

If you'd asked if it was normal to feel a bit sad when they left - fine- but absolutely bereft! I’m in floods of tears and dreading the moment they drive off is not a normal reaction.

I don’t blame you, sounds like you have a lovely bond together, and presumably the adult DC don’t live with you so it’s nice to spend time together like this.

Next time perhaps plan for them to join you mid trip and leave when you’re leaving as well? And for now, plan some fun activities for you and DH after they leave, get distracted and make the most of it.

I understand OP. You are lucky to all get along so well. Few families do . I miss my adult kids a lot and feel sad when visits end . The holidays we have had with them often end up quite fraught though . Difficult family dynamics! You are very lucky.