Not sure how to take this friend?

[ThunderStormPlease]

Could do with some advice about a friend.

Been friends for seven years, she has BPD and can be very clingy at times.
The problem I'm having with her is she's very attention seeking.
When my dc was in hospital after nearly loosing their life, she was texting/calling me constantly she wanted to take an overdose because she had an argument with her on/off boyfriend that she's constantly spitting up with every other week.
When I told her I was busy with my child in hospital and couldn't sit and listen and she just needed to be an adult and put things into perspective I.e my child nearly died and she was threatening to take a bunch of tablets over a on/off boyfriend she got really irate with me and kept texting me "are you angry with me" constantly.
Whenever I'm having a problem she'll say one sentence and go back to herself, she's in and out of hospital every single week with something or other she'll be completely fine cooking/out walking/shopping or whatever then half an hour later text me she's been taken by ambulance to hospital, every single time the hospital can't find anything wrong with her. She watches a lot of hospital dramas so I don't know if that contributes to this?

Thing is I've tried to cool off the friendship a bit especially since my child took ill and has been diagnosed with a life long disease that is life threatening as it's very one sided friendship but she'll message me "I can see your online on Facebook why aren't you replying?" When she's supposed to be in hospital etc.
I guess I'm wondering is this normal with BPD?

Do you like her?

I used to consider her a really close friend until she texted me hounding me when my child was in hospital a few months ago.
I do still like her to a degree just finding it stressful she's constantly messaging/calling me about all these random symptoms.. ends up in hospital gets sent home is fine for another 3/4 days then something else mysteriously happens and she's in hospital again. If I don't reply she gets stroppy too even though she knows I have a lot on my plate I have 3 disabled kids myself.
Just not sure if this part of her BPD or munchausens I should be more forgiving?

She sounds like an attention seeking drama queen and you sound like you have enough going on in your life to have time for this

No, don't be more forgiving. You need to put yourself and your family first, you don't owe her your time. Distance yourself and if that doesn't work, no option but to block.

You can turn your little green spot off on facebook/messenger and do the same on whatsapp. You can do it per person on whatsapp too. When she clocks and creates, say your kids messed with it.

Its not up to you to put up with her tantrums, diagnosed or self diagnosed, it isn't your problem.

Turn your active status off on fb for a start and stop responding to her. She sounds like a real challenge and you have enough on your plate.

When you say BPD are you referring to Bipolar Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder? It sounds like she also has a form of facticous disorder…

I'd explain that you feel unable to offer her the support she needs. Tell her you have too much on your plate to cope with and wish her well. Depending on her reaction, you can dip in and out of contact or withdraw from the friendship completely.

It does sound like features of Borderline PD, (aka Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder). Has she had any therapy for it? EUPD often has its roots in a disrupted and abusive childhood, meaning sufferers often do not learn effective coping strategies as adults, and needs extensive therapy to resolve.

You're not her therapist.

If I had a demanding friend like this who badgered me all the time when I had more than enough of my own troubles to deal with, then I'm afraid I would probably have told her to fuck off get lost by now.

I pity her as she cleary has issues but that is not your problem. She needs help from a therapist and if it were me, I'd steer her in the direction of talking to her gp and getting referred for one.

Tell her you have enough on your plate and you can't be there 24/7 as it's having an affect on your well being and you need to be 100% for your child right now. I think a lot of people with bpd have fear of abandonment which is why she kept asking are you angry with me. It's almost child like response where they have self fulfilling prophecy as the way it happens can often end in people leaving as they can't cope with the extreme highs and lows.

You are not her therapist and she needs to really get some treatment.

People with bpd are vulnerable to abusive relationships too so she will be caught in a cyle of that with her boyfriend. I'd point her in the direction of women's aid, her gp and a bpd charity of some kind. I would feel the same as you.

Clearly* sorry for any other typos.

BPD is the generally agreed acronym for Borderline Personality Disorder.
BD is bipolar disorder.
BPD causes people to behave exactly like the friend as outlined in the OP. BD does not.
Therefore I read it as BPD.

OP she's never going to change. She clearly needs help for her BPD but while she's not getting it, she is expecting you (and anyone else around her) to set themselves on fire to keep her warm. The thing is you won't get any emotional support or reciprocity in a relationship with her and you need to either accept that the friendship is utterly one-sided and always will be or cut her loose.
Personally I always end up blocking people like this.

Borderline personality disorder, she's been in therapy quite a lot.
She keeps snap chatting me with photos of her in hostipal bed saying she feels shit as I've stopped replying to her texts this morning. Just finding it highly frustrating as I don't have the energy for it, it's literally every day there is something medically wrong with her.
Most of it doesn't even add up like her medications she says she's on but I don't question it anymore just leave her to it.
I've taken off my online status, tempted to delete Snapchat again as I did it once before when she kept doing it.
Just finding it stressful when she knows my children are a handful and I'm constantly doing their medical procedures myself I don't even have time to sit down and have a coffee let alone text back and fourth like a teen.

To be honest, I would've stopped being her friend after how she behaved when your child was so ill. That is absolutely unforgivable.

I had one of these for years. I’ve now cut contact. Drained the life out of everyone who had the misfortune to be in her life. They all disappeared too

That's when I stepped back, didn't speak to her for a few weeks after it happened and when I did I told her she needed to pack it in telling me constantly she's going to overdose when I have a child with a lifelong life threatening illness and that I don't need the stress or drama of it all. She's calmed down on the im going to kill myself every 5 minutes, now it's just medical dramas every day.
I have other good friends to be honest so not sure why I'm even bothering, we were in a friendship group but the others fell out with her over similar things.

I had the same thing with a friend. I liked her but the constant dramas and demanding attention were draining me. Things came to a head and I asked myself whether her friendship was making me more happy or unhappy. The answer was definitely unhappy and I realised that it was a totally one sided friendship which is just not healthy. There was no middle ground so I cut her out of my life completely. I have never regretted it.

Do you stay in contact through guilt, or because you want to? I think if you can answer that, you're half way to making a decision.

Quite usual with people who have bpd in my experience

Is she your friend or are you her emotional support?

I have every sympathy for people with bpd. I can't imagine being in that head space

However. And this is a big however. This isn't your problem to solve. You do not have to be her support when frankly you have children who need you more.

I don't like the emotional blackmail. Making you feel bad if you don't reply. And Threatening suicide.

If this was a relationship people would be telling you to leave.

Your children need you. It's unforgivable she harassed you while your child was in hospital.

This is normal with unmanaged BPD, and there's nothing you can do about it unfortunately.