Am I a bad friend?

[StrawberryRainbows]

2 weeks ago, my friend messaged to say that his Partner booked a table for us at a Michelin Star restaurant. I was initially excited, but then pointed out that it was a day before we get paid and I would not be able to make it due to funds.

2 days ago he then sent me a screenshot of the booking to say that they've changed the date to a day after Pay day, however the time of the booking (8.30pm) meant that I would not be able to travel back home after, as the last train would have left by the time the meal ended. It means I now also need to fork out £170 for a hotel stay and £30 travel as I live an hour away.
They live locally so 15 mins from Restaurant.

I messaged today to say I won't be able to join and pls to count me out As I added up the totals and it came close to £400

I was met with alot of abuse and how they tried to accomodate me etc And that they are now done with me.

I'm not sure if I'm in the wrong and just to figure out to go, however I also don't feel comfortable parting with so much money.

Nope. They are out of order.
Some girl friends have asked me on a night out. The last one involved a posh meal and then drinks - it was expensive. The next night out is two weeks before my family holiday that I've saving hard for. I said I was happy to come out but it needed to be budget friendly as my holiday came first. All friends understood and we will go to a few local pubs that we know don't charge the earth.
They understood that of it was an expensive night, I would be out.

They are being unreasonable. They shouldn't have amended the booking without checking with you first that it would work. They sound exhausting.

No not a bad friend. If the didn’t consult you over the time and date before booking it’s not your fault.

What drama over some grub, even if it is Michelin...

No, you are not a bad friend but they are.

I’m assuming there is no option to stay with them? It would have to be a very special occasion to expect a friend to come out to an expensive restaurant and get a hotel for night! You are not in the wrong.

They can't decide what you spend your money on. They sound like they are very spoilt and entitled. You're not losing anything by them stopping being friends with you.

It's really weird to arrange something for someone else without checking if the time and date suits.

They are completely out of order. Yes they might be annoyed they changed the date and you now can’t go, but surely they can understand not everyone can afford £400 for a meal!

It's a very odd thing to book such an expensive restaurant without a clear discussion about the prices & logistics of the evening. Perhaps they genuinely thought you couldn't go to the first date just because it was before pay day ... did you spell it out that you would need overnight accommodation... sometimes friends' ideas of what is an acceptable amount of money to spend on a night out is totally different ... you clearly have different spending habits.

You are not a bad friend .. but don't be afraid to said 'that's really not my sort of thing' ... no need to mention budget because people will always say 'wait until you are paid' or try and argue about the event. I could afford to go to a Michelin starred restaurant but I absolutely wouldn't as its not how I would choose to spend my money ... I have different priorities.

So many easy ways to fix this that neither of you seem to have suggested or even considered before getting angry at one another. As another poster suggested, you could have stayed at hers, if she lives 15 min away, and then returned the next morning! You don't seem to like each other very much, so perhaps stopping being friends will reduce the drama in both of your lives and leave both of you in a better place?

A very typical outcome of couples failing to understand how expensive living o n one income is in today's world. Just find some single friends up through meet up site and Facebook options etc.

Very strange reaction. Is there a back story about why you were going?

There was no offer for me to stay with them for the evening instead of having to book a hotel. I have mentioned during the week that 8.30 wouldn't work for me. They ended up changing the booking to 8pm without checking at all what time would work.

Friends partner will pay for her, so she has no financial expense in any of this.
I find it rather selfish that they are now upset with me and acting like I messed them about.

I am also not working right now and although I will be getting a lump sum redundancy payment, I'd rather not spend my money on this meal

No they are the bad friends, expecting you to fall in line with their plans but not asking you what would suit. They sound very full of themselves. Is your friend worth keeping?

At this point I'm really not interested in keeping this friend to be honest. It's all rather exhausting for me especially as I'm still recovering from a depression..

i'd rather not have this drama in my life and do what truely makes me feel happy.
I've always put others first, and I just don't want to do that anymore.

You’re not a bad friend for refusing the invite and if they really wanted you there they could have talked to you to find a time that worked.

However, because they’re being so unreasonable, it seems like there is more to the story and this is just the straw that broke the camels back. You mentioned you’ve been depressed. If you have been declining all of their invitations because of how you’ve been feeling that might be why they’re upset.

I'd be well pissed off if someone did that to me. They didn't check whether you could afford it, they then changed the plans to another date and time but didn't actually run it past you to see if it was okay, and then they have the cheek to get the arsehole with you?

Nothing more to the story. This is the first invite from them since they became a couple. I hosted them at my home, a few weeks ago and her partner wanted to return the favour with the intention that he would cover the cost, however she told her Partner that I can pay for myself.

I have no issue with the paying of the meal, however I had no intention of forking out extra for a hotel, as I was not aware of meal time until Thursday.

Do you even want this meal? They are the unreasonable ones.

Initially I was excited before I realised that the meal and drinks would come to a total of £180, and that I'd have to pay for a hotel at £170 and travel of £40.
I wasn't aware that the meal time initially 8.30 as we normally have dinner at 6.30 - 7pm. First time I'd ever been so late for dinner.

It would be a 7 course menu, and I realised there was no way I would be able to catch a train back home.

It infuriates me that they seem like they are in LaLa land and haven't considered any of these issues I'd encounter and now are unfriending me over it.

It seems like they feel they have made allowances for me, by changing the date till after pay day and then changing the time when I said 8.30 would be too late.
Then changed it to 8pm as if that made any difference.

Getting a taxi home would have been cheaper than booking a night in a hotel. Anyway, you all have terrible communication. They should have checked with you before booking, and you could have said what didn't suit e.g. the last train is Y-o'clock so dinner would need to finish by X-o'clock.