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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I being abused? Scared to leave.

6 replies

Sunflower2705 · 25/06/2023 00:20

Am I being abused by my fiancé? Scared to leave I have no one to help me with my children.
I have 2 children with additional needs and no support system. And I think I’m being abused by my fiance. He’s had a load of bad luck recently including losing his job and his car being re-possessed. To cut a long story short we were arguing and he threw food across the room and it hit me. Then later on because I was still upset with - he started hitting himself in the face. And then proceeded to punch a door as hard as he could. He thought I should have forgiven him already. Because it wasn’t fast enough for him he started acting this way. My children were crying and were saying they were scared. I want to leave but I’m so scared of raising my children alone. They have additional needs and I have no family or friends. I’m completely alone with no one to turn to or to talk to. My dad and nana died recently and I don’t speak to my mother who is toxic but that’s a whole other story…
If I left him I wouldn’t be able to go to university as I wouldn’t be able to drop the kids off in time to get there (I don’t drive). The kids school is a long walk without a car. I rely on my student loans to support us all financially. I don’t know how I’d manage all these things. I feel so trapped and alone and I don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
Ketzele · 25/06/2023 00:32

You need to leave, and there are people who can help you find the way to do that. I have also been in the position of thinking I couldn't possibly leave, but I found a way and life is so much better.

Talk to Womens Aid. Talk to the uni welfare service. Talk to the LA family support team. And best of luck.

RankOfEngland · 25/06/2023 00:35

This is going to sound harsh. But it’s because I grew up in this type of household. Except I would never have said I was scared, as the terror was so commonplace I didn’t know how to describe it.

The fact he did this doesn’t make you a bad mother. But staying with him would.

I really hope you protect your children by removing him completely and permanently from your lives. It won’t necessarily be easy, but neither will living with this for the rest of your life/your childrens’ childhoods.

GrazingSheep · 25/06/2023 00:36

It’s terrible that you have no family or friends. Hopefully your uni will be able to direct you to support services.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 25/06/2023 00:38

If your children are saying they are scared... something needs to change

opinionssoughtplease · 25/06/2023 11:57

RankOfEngland · 25/06/2023 00:35

This is going to sound harsh. But it’s because I grew up in this type of household. Except I would never have said I was scared, as the terror was so commonplace I didn’t know how to describe it.

The fact he did this doesn’t make you a bad mother. But staying with him would.

I really hope you protect your children by removing him completely and permanently from your lives. It won’t necessarily be easy, but neither will living with this for the rest of your life/your childrens’ childhoods.

You are right, however it's not just the children's childhoods which are at risk here, it's their whole lives. If OP leaves, she'll be giving them a fresh beginning with real potential in their lives, if not, just reinforcing and sustaining the pain.

massiveclamps · 25/06/2023 12:00

He is being abusive. You know he is.

Being scared of going it alone is a natural way to feel, but that is far better than being scared of his aggression and violence.

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