No adult time in the evenings

[hayu19]

My DS is 6yo.During the week I like him to be in bed between 7:30-8pm. My DH is happy for him to stay downstairs with us until around 9:30pm on week days and until we go to bed ourselves on weekends. I personally feel as though child free time in the evenings is beneficial to children and parents. As in children having enough sleep and parents having their own time in the evenings. My DH doesn't agree and will let DS stay up until whenever.

It's so frustrating, I'm not sure if he just can't be bothered to deal with bed time or if he just doesn't want to spend time with me in the evenings.

Anyone else in this situation?

I agree with you, even if you’re not having couple time it’s important to get some adult time. Plus that’s not anywhere near enough sleep for a 6yr old.

That’s way too late for a 6 year old - well most anyway.

Is DS not permanently overtired or exhausted. Occasionally my DS (5) will have a later evening on the weekend but 9-9.30 would be absolute max.

Kids still need about 10/11 hours sleep at that age, if he’s got to be up for school at 7-7.30 then he needs to be in bed asleep 8.30/9 at the latest really.

also yes time alone to yourself is important, you need to be able to decompress. You’re allowed to have an hour or two to yourself!

Way too late for such a young child- is he lack in other aspects of parenting?

My ds was in bed at 8pm weekdays and weekends at aged 6. My now 10yr old goes to bed for 9pm.

Blimey - in bed by 7.30 for sure.

Just tell your husband you need the break and your child needs the sleep, so it’s happening.

Sounds like he doesn’t want alone time with you. I’d be having a chat ! Your son must be so tired

Thank you for the replies all. It's nice to see others agree with me as my DH thinks I'm too strict with DS bedtime. He is a very good dad when it comes to taking DS out on activities etc but iz generally lazy when it comes to putting boundaries in place, that side of it falls to me unfortunately. I definitely think a talk with him is needed.

He generally has lots energy naturally however I know sleep is really important for learning etc and definitely think he should be in bed by 7:30pm during the week.

Dh and I have become distant lately. I tend to leave them downstairs around 9 as I'm tired (we have another DS 8mo that I bath and put to bed for 7pm)

I do push for our eldest to go to bed earlier but DH argues with me and to be honest I'm so tired I haven't got to energy to argue against it. So I go up to bed and leave them downstairs (I know I should be better and stand my ground)

One went to bed at 8pm at that age. He needs his sleep !

What time does your DS get up in the morning? 8pm sounds reasonable if he is getting the average amount of sleep for a 6yo (10.5–11 hours) and he’s getting up at 7 for school.

7:30-8 sounds slightly early to me (and 9:30 definitely too late) - but it depends on when wake up time for school is. I believe 10-11 hours total sleep is recommended for this age, which would imply a bedtime of 8-9pm for a 7am wake up.

He is a very good dad when it comes to taking DS out on activities etc but iz generally lazy when it comes to putting boundaries in place

So he’s not a good dad at all. Fun and going to activities are the easiest bits, they don’t even require parents, anyone can do that stuff. A good parent acts in the best interests of their child which requires making sure they get enough sleep, dealing with the tricky bits and very obviously having some boundaries. He’s failing your child at the moment, and you. I’d be incredibly resentful of being set up as the bad guy because someone’s got to do the hard work of parenting.

Blimey, mine were in their rooms at that age and lights out/settled by 8pm. That's nowhere near enough sleep for a growing boy.

He is usually up around 7am for school. I will say around 7 " in the bath now" and then he will argue that he's not going to bed afterwards and DH will agree with him and say he can stay up until he puts him to bed. Sometimes he will put him up at 9pm and let him watch his ipad until 10:30pm. For me I go up to bed around 8:30 to watch TV as I just need time without children before I go to bed myself. I'm on maternity leave atm (will be returning to day an night shift work soon). So avgwr looking after baby and then DS from after school I need time to wind down before going to sleep myself.

I know, you're right, just doing the fun bits isn't really parenting! They call.me the fun sponge. I've had enough

Blimey, yes, I agree with you. Mine are 10&12 and still have a bedtime (9.15/9.45 with half an hour before lights out) because it's really important to have that time to be an adult rather than just a parent. You can't relax properly if you're "on duty" and having to watch what you say and not be able to have a proper, adult conversation because the kids are there.