DH insisting I'm wrong when I'm not

[BabyWhaleshark]

It's not all the time but often enough that it annoys me and makes me feel a bit on edge.

Like today we were leaving the house and he realised he didn't have his keys. For various reasons it didn't matter that he didn't have them so I said "it doesn't matter, you didn't take them yesterday either" now I'd think a normal response to that would be "didn't I? I didn't even notice" and I'd have said "yes, they were still in the key bowl when I left". But nooo he had to double down on that he absolutely did not forget his keys yesterday. We have airtags on our keys so I made him look at the location history and of course I was right and he had forgotten them. Another time was about a DIY project where he was sure we hadn't discussed doing it a particular way and that I was being ridiculous and difficult insisting that's what we agreed. But when he came to do the project he realised all the bits he had bought matched up with exactly what I'd said.

When I pointed out he does this a lot he said that I do the same but I really don't! Yes, sometimes I forget things we've talked about but I just say "oh, I don't remember that". I'm assuming when he says that I do it too he's thinking of the arguments we've had about similar points where I know I'm right but I can't prove it. Like when he ordered me a gluten free meal on the plane which apparently I'd asked him to do but I'm 100% sure I didn't ask him to do that! I just wouldn't have done.

It's not something that happens often and he's great in lots of other ways and I love him. But there have been these 3 times in the last few months that have really stuck in my head. Does anyone else's partner do this? Why do they do it and how do you get them to stop?

It's normal to be mistaken sometimes. So he forgot his keys yesterday, but doesn't realise he forgot them.

Your comment to him about that was unnecessary, like you needed to point out to him that he'd forgotten something the day before, even though it wasn't an issue. Whatever your reason for saying it, he thinks he took them so says as much. That isn't gas lighting or having to be right. He's just telling you what he thinks happened.

Sometimes his memory will be right, and sometimes yours will be right. He doesn't have to roll over and believe your version of events every time. It's human to believe our own memory before someone else's.

If it's happened 3 times in 3 months then I'd say that's perfectlly normal. I can think of 2 or 3 times in the past week when DH and I have had a slightly different memory of unimportant issues. It isn't worth arguing over who's right because it doesn't matter.

But if it's more than that.... if your DH can NEVER be wrong, and is always trying to prove that to you; if he tells you that you're recalling things wrong when he knows he's in the wrong, then yes, there's an issue here.

I’m with @perfectcolourfound. It sounds like both of you are a bit fixated on who’s right. Why even comment on him having forgotten his keys the day before? He may be a very difficult man but it sounds a bit as if you’re both contributing to the dynamic.

I read it as though OP was saying "it's okay that you don't have your keys, you didn't have them yesterday either"

I'm on the fence with this one. Unless you feel he's actually making stuff up just too insist on it rather than being forgetful. Then it sounds like you both need to be right. It just so happens that you have been right in the examples.