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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is he waiting for me or just not that interested?

10 replies

Boxthemup · 24/06/2023 13:41

I've was widowed 2 years ago this month. DH had been seriously ill for a very long time, so I lost my husband much earlier than that iyswim.

During DH's illness a male friend was very good to us both. He was "my" friend but DH knew him fairly well too.

At the time friend was in a rocky relationship and when they split, at about the time of DH's death, he announced he planned to stay single for a while (unusual for him) and he has.

During these two years, we've spent quite a bit of time together, mostly by virtue of us both being single and having time on our hands.

We always have a nice time, generally it's all very proper, but we've had the odd moment after a drink.

It feels a bit weird to me that he's been such a good friend to me without an ulterior motive. I have other male friends but not people I spend much 121 time with.

So, did he really mean it about staying single and I'm part of his new single life or maybe he's staying single until I'm ready....

I have to admit it seems unlikely he's played such a long game, but...

I'm currently still wearing my wedding ring. I was thinking of taking it off at the 2 year mark, which is a couple of days before a planned day out with friend. Would he even notice?

OP posts:
OhComeOnFFS · 24/06/2023 13:48

I'm so sorry you lost your husband. You must have had a terrible time. Flowers

I think I would tell him what you're planning to do about your wedding ring. He sounds like a great friend and I really hope he's got his eye on you!

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 24/06/2023 13:54

Do you want to have a romantic relationship with him, OP? You spend a lot of words speculating on his possible feelings and motivations, but none on your own.

What do you want to happen? Decide that, and then take the necessary steps towards it.

Boxthemup · 24/06/2023 14:02

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 24/06/2023 13:54

Do you want to have a romantic relationship with him, OP? You spend a lot of words speculating on his possible feelings and motivations, but none on your own.

What do you want to happen? Decide that, and then take the necessary steps towards it.

I don't know, but I think I'd like to give it a chance and see what happens.

OP posts:
Boxthemup · 24/06/2023 14:03

It does feel like it might risk the friendship, but the friendship would change significantly if either of us had a partner anyway.

OP posts:
DatingDinosaur · 24/06/2023 14:58

Take your wedding ring off if YOU feel ready to, not because you're hoping he'll notice (sorry if I've misunderstood that).

I don't understand why you think he might be playing a game of any sort, long, short, or otherwise. He might also be enjoying your company as much as you enjoy his. Is this not a lovely thing too?

I say carry on exactly as you are and see what unfolds naturally.

WhatADrabCarpet · 24/06/2023 16:21

Excellent words @DatingDinosaur

Hold back with second guessing and see what may or may not evolve.

Don't play games with your wedding ring.
Remove it when it feels right and don't mention it. That is a private moment for you and no one else.

WhatADrabCarpet · 24/06/2023 16:21

Sorry for your loss.

IncognitoMam · 24/06/2023 16:23

What about hinting that you may start dating again? See what he says?

AssertiveGertrude · 24/06/2023 16:26

I would take the ring off and I think I’d wait and see what happens (he sounds lovely)

could you gently bring it up to him you like him more than friends ?? Especially since you’ve had these moments - it’s not been totally platonic from what I gather here

ah I really hope this goes somewhere for you (myself and my husband were friends for years before we got together)

Boxthemup · 24/06/2023 17:01

I'm probably conflating a number of issues.

Another male friend recently told me that all men will notice the ring and if I'm ready to date (anyone) I need to take it off.

I think I'm at a place where I should take it off and see what happens, but that seems very passive 😆

OP posts:
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