NC for this one.
Feeling very fragile and hoping that posting this will help me get some perspective. Sorry if this is long but didnt want to drip feed.
Just for reference, I've been in a sort of long distance relationship for 18 months- we don't live together and for the past few months haven't seen eachother as regularly as I'm living in a different part of the country. But are meant to be exclusive. I recently found out that he still lives with his 'ex' girlfriend and had been lying to me that he lived with an elderly family member that he supported. We'd always met at mine. He insisted they'd broken up ages ago and begged me to give him another chance. I didn't confirm I would- I had other worries;
Around the time I found this out, I discovered I was pregnant. Neither of us have any other children, I'm on the pill and have been told I'd struggle to have a baby naturally so it was a massive shock. I didn't tell him straight away, I needed to think about what I was going to do before I told him, especially given what I'd just found out re. lies about his 'ex', and he'salways been pretty clear he didn't want children. But only a couple of days later, I miscarried at 9 weeks.
It was a lot to deal with, the bombshell that he was living with his ex etc, then coming to terms with the fact I was pregnant when I never thought I would be, and losing the baby in the same week. I eventually told him everything last week, and he said the clichéd 'You should've told me, I'd have been there for you, I wouldn't have pressured you in to abortion' etc. He said he'd have been 'indifferent' if I'd decided to keep it.
But even the same evening I told him, in between him telling me he was sorry I'd gone through it alone, he was cracking jokes about how a baby would've 'ruined' my body anyway and some other vulgar sexual jokes etc. At first i thought it was his was of making light of a dark situation, and I was just happy he didn't blame me or freak out. But now it's bothering me.
I never expected him to be devestated or anything, he didn't know I was pregnant until I wasn't, he never wanted to be a parent. But that was his baby, our baby, and it's not even swayed him in the slightest. And once I told him, that was it. The next day he didnt mention it, or check if I was OK or wanted to talk about it. He hasn't even phoned me (just messaged), hasn't offered to come and see me. He was more doting and attentive when I found out about his lies. If anything, he's seen it as an opportunity to side-step the fallout from me finding out about his living situation.
Am I expecting too much from him with regards to his reaction/ support after the miscarriage? Or is it not just the hormones making it look worse- and I should run and never look back?
Thank you in advance.