Hi everyone
long time lurker and feel i’m losing the plot.
Recently had a baby and been on maternity leave - starting to get myself upset about how things are going - i’m sleep deprived and feel so angry inside at my husband and it’s like past money issues that i brushed aside now seem like huge things i can’t stop thinking about!!
Baby 2 months old. Husband working and very good with baby. i’m breast feeding via a pump due to a severe tongue tie. I do night feeds to ensure he gets rest but i’m not really managing a rest when he’s home as i have to pump the feeds for baby.
This morning husband got up after a sleep from midnight til 7am when alarm goes off. I already had been up with baby to feed change then pump. Had just finished that when he came to see us then disappeared - he’d went back to bed for an extra 45 minutes this morning This is where i sound crazy- I got really upset as when i saw he was up i thought he could keep his eye on baby to let me go in shower while he ate his breakfast. He had his shower and breakfast after lie in then had to go to work. I was on the millionth nappy change when he did reappear in the kitchen but by that time he had to go.
I told him i thought he was thoughtless!!
Been raging ever since!!
Went off to work and i’m back on the feed, wind, further nappy change then pump cycle so chance of a shower looking like mid morning if i’m lucky to get baby to settle.
He then makes a comment that we’re running low on bread for his toast! It was like a red rag to a bull!!
I earn more than him. we live in a house together - he still has a property that he says he’s going to sell eventually with the plan to pay my mortgage off. (he has no mortgage owns his property outright ) i pay all the bills here. Husband pays council tax on his own property. Reminds me frequently it’s not a marital asset as owned it years before we met let alone got married!!
A few times he’s helped out with big purchases and repairs ie a new kitchen he paid half of but i shoulder everything else here as i’m paid more than him. So he’s maybe bought milk 5 times only in as many years and effectively pays nothing at all to live here which means he can save all his wages. Tends not to spend money at all, i seem to always be running out despite earning more!
Tells me all about his ISAs etc but happy to live off my mat leave wages which will go to half next month then nothing at all.
Even after my section he only went to shops twice. had bought the baby nappies once, that’s it. everything else i’ve paid for.
Christmas and birthdays i also foot the bill for his family as he says he never really bothered getting them much before abd says things like his mum not bothered if we don’t get her a card but then talks the story of the year he didn’t get one and she was crying. I know men aren’t wired the same way but i’d never not get anything - i admit i’m maybe too generous, it costs lots as there are quite a few nieces and nephews.
Husband has on occasion bought his nieces extra gifts (ipads, very generous!) but never once for the ones on my side of the family, seems to hardly acknowledge them. I try hard to be the same auntie to both sides.
We had almost come to terms with having no kids but very very luckily we had a baby after several rounds of ivf. the baby is the most joyous thing!
here’s me being a bitch again -
Husband paid some money to the last round which was successful but not a penny to the rounds before that were unsuccessful - both ending in miscarriage sadly.
im stewing mad and can’t help feeling bitter. is this hormones or am i waking up?!
i’ve refused to buy bread which is petty and i’m also going to stop all cooking and ironing! any wise advice???