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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

To message my ex boyfriend

10 replies

BaiesRosesAmbre · 23/06/2023 18:05

I was with my first ever boyfriend 10+ years ago. Now happily married with love of my life.

My ex boyfriend helped me through the worst time of my life. We ended badly and suddenly and I didn’t really get a chance to thank him for his support. I’ve grown up so much since then and I often replay that horrible time of my life in my head and he is always there, helping me.

I’ve wanted to message for a long time now, just to make sure he knows how much he helped me.

would be it weird?

OP posts:

Nattalie18 · 23/06/2023 18:05

Yes. Just leave it

solice84 · 23/06/2023 18:06

Don't do it
Let sleeping dogs lie

WonderfulUsername · 23/06/2023 18:07

Over 10 years ago?

Leave it and make peace with yourself.

Geo42 · 23/06/2023 18:07

You'd be playing with fire !

Original poster

BaiesRosesAmbre · 23/06/2023 18:08

Ok fine! I know if I’d asked my friends this they’d have said the same. I’m going to leave it

OP posts:

ChrisPPancake · 23/06/2023 18:24

Did you ask your husband what he thought of the idea?!

Glad you've decided not.

YoSof · 23/06/2023 18:24

It depends on the motive.

If you are genuinely wanting to thank him and lay the past to rest and your husband knows, then I would. I wouldn’t have any expectation of a reply, but I think if he helped you that much it would be nice to let him know it meant a lot and was appreciated.

If you are hiding the messaging and secretly hope it opens up communication between the two of you again, then you know that’s not right.

Kikicoconut · 23/06/2023 18:55

Leave it. No sense in dragging up the past. I’m sure he knows you are thankful.

Is it more than you want to reconnect with him? I think you’ve got a few Qs to ask yourself here.

Original poster

BaiesRosesAmbre · 23/06/2023 19:03

Absolutely not that I want to reconnect with him at all. I just wanted to thank him.

I have had lots of therapy in the last few years and he’s come into convo a few times. I just feel like I was way too young and wrapped up with what was going on at the time to thank him.

OP posts:

Rockingchai · 23/06/2023 20:43

I think you should tell him - I don’t think it is playing with fire if you know it’s not that you want to get back with him. I have found it healing to have some communication over the years with my first love/ex of 28 years ago, and I definitely don’t want to get back with him but he was a hugely significant person over some crucial years in my early 20s

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