Thoughtless DP

[LolaPants]

I had an outpatient procedure done today to remove abnormal cells that were found during a biopsy.

DP has forgotten about it. He went off to work this morning with no mention of it - I’d told him about it when the results and appt came through, I’d arranged for his mum to look after our 1 year old whilst I went to the hospital, and reminded him I had the appt this morning as I needed him to watch the kids so I could have a shower so he knew it was happening and was even reminded of it this morning but he made no mention of it as he left for work and no text to ask how it went, just one to ask how my day is going and if our son has slept (he hasn’t).

He’s forgotten and these things happen, especially when you’re exhausted from having 2dc that don’t sleep but this is a pattern of behaviour with DP of just being generally thoughtless and exhaustion aside I feel like something like this, is less a case of remembering but should at least be on your radar out of concern for the other person.

Im cross with him- he’s forgotten and it isn’t in his head space to earmark this as something to be concerned about and at least check in.

It’s not like it’s huge procedure but it was enough to leave me sore now and trying to wrangle our 1 year old and due to collect our other DC from school. It’s nothing I can’t manage but I just wish he could pull his head out his arse for a moment.

Ahh. I’m sorry OP.
I hope you are well.
can you talk to him about it and tell him
how you feel. My Ex H was like this, and I never really spoke to him about how much was feeling and constantly felt let down / unimportant and eventually we are divorced

I feel for you. It’s horrible that thoughtlessness.
My ex was like it too. I eventually stopped telling him things as it was too hurtful that he’d forget about it/seem to not care. We are divorced now as this was his personality and he couldn’t change. If this is out of character for your DH then have a talk with him. Tell him how thoughtless it was today and how uncared for it made you feel.
I hope he came home and made dinner and put the children to bed while you rested 🥰

OP,
Thats awful and hurtful.

I really hope your family is finished.

This level of thoughtlessness is not normal and its interesting the two replys above write about ex husbands.

They are both 100% correct.

This type of behaviour kills love and relationships.

If you don't feel the person who lives with you, gives a shit, what is the point of anything?

The advice above is right.

You need to sit down and talk about how you feel, because this type of behaviour will cause you to pull away.

How someone cares for you when you are unwell and vulnerable goes to the absolute core of your relationship.

I am married 30 years to a very very practical man, very little love talk over our 30+ years, but the way he has treated me when I have been ill, has been exemplary.
I love him more deeply after every time I have been unwell.

This is what counts, not words, but his actions.

When we feel ignored, dismissed, we automatically go into protection mode and start to reveal less of ourselves.

Tell him very calmly how hurt you feel and explain how these emotions are dangerous because they change how we feel.

These are the type of emotions one has at the beginning of the road to ending a relationship.

I hope you heal well and feel better soon.