Stay, go, stay, go stay, go go go !

[lilacclaire]

I just need to get this off my chest and quickly before dp comes back.

I can't stand living with dp anymore and want him to leave, trouble is I would effectively be making him and his ds homeless as they gave up council house to come and live with me and neither of us can afford to buy anywhere.

He's not a bad person, but I think we moved in together too quickly (after 1 year) and we are really incompatible living together.

He is a lazy fuckwit and i like things tidy yesterday rather than tommorow.

I know this sounds like nothing, but it pisses me off so much i have been on anti depressants a lot of the time we have been living together.

I feel like a pressure guage in me is going to pop soon, or i am just going to crumple.

I know he deserves better than the way i have been ignoring him recently, but its the only way i can stop myself going off on one.

I have spoken to him about clearing up after himself, doing things around the house etc on several occasions, but as probably most of you will imagine, it lasts a few days then slips back again.

I just don't know what to do and feel so about the whole situation.

I do love him, but it really isnt enough anymore.

Any feedback/criticism/support/sympathy all greatly received.

May not be able to get back till tommorow morning though.

counselling or a real make or break conversation with DP, really cepends on how you feel about this man and whether you feel the relationship is worth trying to save.

Guilt can't keep you together

It sounds like you've made your decision. You can't put the rest of your life off because he will have to find a new place to live. He will find something. It will be ok. But you can't carry on living with him if it's not right.

This doesn't sound like a sudden decision you've come to. Perhaps you could look into places for him to live so that you know there is something (not to suggest to him, you understand, but to ease your stress about it).

I hope some of that made sense.

Shit, its real now.
Its not a sudden decision, ive been thinking it a lot longer than I care to admit.
There are other things, but no point going into all the ins and outs.

It's not a small thing when one of you is tidy and the other is very messy. These are daily irritants that can take the passion/liking out of any relationship. It's inconsiderate behaviour on his part. Sorry, no real advice but good luck.

Hi Lilacclaire

I can really identify with your post, but from the other point of view, cos I am the messy one. I am contemplating moving in with my dp but he is very tidy and organised and I am worried that my chaotic ways might cause huge problems.

I know it isn't a small problem, but is it so serious that the only solution is splitting up? There may be other ways to tackle his messiness that could 'train' him to be more organised. And you could try counselling to work out if the other issues you mentioned are relationship breakers.

If you can make him realise how serious this is for you, by telling him you are thinking of leaving, then you could together write a list of household chores, and share them out. Maybe even a rota.. I know it sounds ridiculous, but untidiness isn't always just laziness, it's sometimes an inability to break the task of keeping the house clean and tidy into small and doable tasks.

It may be there are some jobs which you could always do, and others which could be his responsibility. Other things which might help would be a set time, say 20 mins after breakfast and 20 mins after tea, when everyone tidies up.

Anyway, I hope these tips work, because they're going to have to help me sort out my own messiness! Obviously there might be more to the problems than this, so I wish you lots of luck.

Lack of interest in our surroundings is often one of the first signs of depression. Maybe he is depressed.

hi lilacclaire, maybe the solution would be for him and his DS to move out and you have e relationship with him without living with him? It sounds like the pressure of living together compatibally is the problem here, then when you do see each other you can completely focus on enjoying each other's company, rather than getting on to day to day living and stuff. Then you wouldn't have to speak to him about clearing up etc.

Just a suggestion though. Obviously if there are more serious problems or you don't actually want to be in a relationship any more then you'll need to end it.

Did I miss the bit where the OP said he had a lack of interest in his surroundings?

Lazy doesn't = lacking in interest littlewoman.