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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why is he suddenly interested now??

13 replies

Starsandmoon2 · 22/06/2023 22:10

So i'm 33 and i've been online dating on and off for 4 years! I really want to meet a man to settle down with, I have done from the start, but I just haven't had the luck to meet anyone. I've been on lots and lots of dates, but it never works out past the first or second date.

Back 4 years ago after my relationship ended, when I first dipped my toe into the OLD scene. I matched with a guy who at some point became an Instagram follower on my page. He didn't ask me on a date, but remained a follower, and I wasn't bothered enough to unfollow him. We never spoke on Instagram, only briefly the first time we matched on the dating app.

About 3 years have gone by. As far as I believe, neither of us have had a relationship or success from Online dating. A few months ago, we matched again on Online dating. We chatted a little, but again, he didn't ask me out, and so it fizzled out.

So over the years, he has occasionally 'liked' pictures i've posted on insta, but never reached out. I was away on holiday 2 weeks ago, and when I returned, I posted a few pictures. He got in touch with me and asked me if I wanted to go out sometime. I said I would have a lot on straight when I got back but I would be up for going out sometime soon.

Since then, he has been messaging me every few days, liking pictures I post. Commenting things via DM.

I just find it strange, he has had 4 years to ask me out. Why now? Why does he now decide he fancies me enough? I asked him why now, and he said there was no particular reason as to why now and not before. Should I find this concerning? I wouldn't want to be settled for, but I do find it weird he can't have been that interested before and now is suddenly making an effort

OP posts:
TooManyAnimals94 · 22/06/2023 22:12

He's bored and lonely. Swerve.

Whenwillitallmakesense · 22/06/2023 22:16

Did you not already post about this?

arethereanyleftatall · 22/06/2023 22:19

It's fine. Loads of people are on OLD when they're not ready to date. I don't have a problem with that, because I've done it plenty.

NeverendingCircus · 22/06/2023 23:11

Could be loads of reasons. Good or bad. Could have thought: she's out of my league, I need to get in shape and sort my head out before I make a move, or he might have thought, phwoar she looks better in recent pics than she did years ago, I'll have a go.

Point is - you can't guess and nor can we. If you like him, just meet for coffee. Ask him outright if it puzzles you, or just see how the date goes.

Starsandmoon2 · 26/06/2023 21:49

I haven't really changed in appearance at all in the last 4 years, if anything, I look worse as I've aged!

It just worries me that the guy is thinking cause he has been single for a while, that we may as well settle and give it a go. And despite me wanting to settle down, I want to make sure I meet the right one!!! I dont wanna be option.

OP posts:
mayorofcasterbridge · 26/06/2023 21:50

If you don't find out, you will never know!

WunWun · 26/06/2023 21:53

Yeah, I think you probably just need to meet him and see what happens.

I don't think it obviously screams red flag tbh

Mammamia2023 · 26/06/2023 22:31

Who the hell knows what how’s on in anyone’s mind. Maybe now he’s not been lucky and though oh i liked her why didn’t i ever try it. He could be in a completely different place to where he was when u started chatting initially. U either give it a try and see how it feels or thanks but no thanks. Thing is you just never know and maybe in 5 years time if your still in the same situation whilst he’s settled down might be wondering what if.

Dotcheck · 26/06/2023 22:34

Just meet him- you won’t know until you do

Catastrophejane · 26/06/2023 22:37

Starsandmoon2 · 26/06/2023 21:49

I haven't really changed in appearance at all in the last 4 years, if anything, I look worse as I've aged!

It just worries me that the guy is thinking cause he has been single for a while, that we may as well settle and give it a go. And despite me wanting to settle down, I want to make sure I meet the right one!!! I dont wanna be option.

It’s too early to say whether he’s settling for you or not- you haven’t even gone on a date!

why don’t you just go and see what you think of him?

you might find you don’t fancy him when you meet him and all this angst will have been for nothing!

Fiddlerdragon · 26/06/2023 22:39

None of us have the answers for you. You’ve got nothing to lose so why not actually ask him?

YouTarzan · 26/06/2023 23:46

You’re overthinking it.

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 27/06/2023 01:10

Every one is an option. There is no right person, there are millions of right people who might happen to be in the right place at the right time. Maybe he was dating someone else before, maybe he thought you were looking for something serious and he wasn't until now. Maybe he just wasn't feeling it and now he is.

None of that matters. What matters is whether you want to go out with him. If yes, then do so. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work, if it does it does.

Believing in the perfect match is a path to lifelong singleton.

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