DA - being spied on

[Nikki3009]

Long story short, I’ve been suffering at the hands of my partner for many years. I split up from him after an unprovoked attack in the middle of the night last October, but we are having to reside in the same house whilst the sale of our home goes through.
For the large part I manage to avoid him as I’m at work during the day and spend my evenings in my daughters room (she’s at uni).
Today I had the house to myself - a very rare occurrence as he rarely leaves the house. This morning I’d discovered that my ex had been lying about where he was going. I should preface this by saying that Ex is a narcissist and one of his many ‘things’ is to call me a liar, so it kind of pleased me that he’d been caught in a lie because he’s always telling me that he’s so honest and has often used his ‘honesty’ as a reason to insult or belittle me.
I was working at my computer and absent-mindedly said out loud, ha I know you’ve been a liar all along or words to that effect. I often talk to myself whilst concentrating and I’m guessing I must have had quite a conversation about his lying and narcissistic ways.
Turns out he records me, he leaves a phone that I didn’t know he had in a secret place and records me, all day! I’m horrified and weirdly I had a feeling that I shouldn’t speak out loud.
I feel so violated and upset. But guess what? I’ve been called a weirdo and a freak for talking about him to myself.
God only knows what silly things I come out with whilst I’m pottering around so I literally feel like I’ve given him a loaded gun.
I’m now sitting upstairs too scared to go down and get a drink. I’ve got to move my daughter back from uni tomorrow and there was all sorts of things I needed to get done this evening and now Im so anxious I can’t move.
Tbh given the awful way he’s treated me over the years, I shouldn’t be surprised, but it doesn’t stop me being upset and feeling scared. He’s currently bashing and crashing around downstairs and the irony is that he’s in a rage with me.
I needed a safe space to vent so thank you for listening x

That said I sometimes talk to myself but I try to rephrase the perspectives with codewords just in case it's Alexia, Gchq etc

Wouldn't it be easier just not to have any smart home tech like Alexa etc if you're so concerned about them being used to monitor conversations with yourself? I would imagine that would be much easier than censoring yourself and make more sense than owning tech you're suspicious of? It must be exhausting!

Are you going alone to collect your daughter from uni? If you are then use it as an opportunity to get away to a place of safety with her.
Property and belongings can be replaced in time, but your lives cannot.

Yes, I’ll be going alone. She doesn’t have anything to do with him so stays at my parents when she’s home from uni. Unfortunately my parents can’t house both of us so I’m stuck in the family home for the foreseeable future. There is light at the end of the tunnel though and I will be moving soon!

He is vile! Have a read of this, it has advice on how to find recording and listening devices.

https://homesecuritystore.com/how-to-detect-hidden-cameras-listening-devices

Find them, and get rid of them, if he asks where it is just okay innocent. "I have no idea what you're talking about. Why would there be a phone/etc here anyway?"

Thank you for this, I will definitely be following that advice where I can. I’m still not 100% sure what he recorded me on. I was assuming it was a phone but looking at this article there are lots of ways to record people! I’m so naive!

OP, please get the hell out of there as soon as is physically possible.

Was reading earlier a BBC News article about Fawziiyah Javed, the woman whose husband pushed her down hillside. She had been in the process of collecting evidence of her husband's abuse, intending to leave soon after. Voice recordings, logging incidents with police etc. This situ with needing a door brace due to his violence, it's seriously messed up. A sleeping bag at your parents must surely be better than risking being under the same roof as him.

THIS.

The fact you’re moving soon and he presumably knows that, ups the risk further. I would say you’re likely in considerable danger and have become numb to it.

I think you need to call the police.

This Is the thing, his abuse has been, for the most part, the coercive control kind. He’s verbally abusive, mentally cruel, has controlled finances etc. He intimidates me with threats and slams doors and throws things but I can count on one hand the number of times he’s actually physically hurt me. And one of those times he claimed he was asleep (he wasn’t).
Believe me it’s very difficult to prove, I’ve got reams of diary entries and voice recordings but a court refused an occupation order because he didn’t have family living nearby and would be at risk of homelessness. In fact, I was told by the judge that unless I was in physical danger I should remain in the property so as to maintain my possession! The law is absolute b* when it comes to this kind of abuse and it is no wonder that woman die in their own homes.
i don’t believe I’m in physical danger from him. I use the door brace to stop him coming in to the bedroom and verbally berating me, it makes me feel a bit safer knowing he can’t open the door. He’s a very unpredictable, Jekyll and Hyde character, but of course, he’s nice as pie whenever the police have been called. And does a very good job of making it sound like I’m mentally unstable because I’m menopausal - yes, he told a police officer that - and said he’d been trying to get me help for a number of years. The reality is that he mocked me endlessly for having hot flushes and being irritable and forgetful and refused to talk to me about it when I wanted support because it was disgusting! These men are so despicable, the cycle of abuse is so real and I wish I’d realised what he was doing to me and left him years ago!

I hope you are safe this morning OP. Can you move in with a friend temporarily?

All of this is awful and it should be reported to the police. If you are selling soon you don't want a drunk angry man bashing holes in the place even if he can't get to you.

My sympathy, I know the feeling of listening to all that and praying for them to pass out. It's stomach churning. You're not alone and you're not crazy or whatever else this disgusting human being says.

thank you! I am safe this morning, in typical fashion he has apologised for his behaviour yesterday. Apparently he recorded me because I asked him what train he was getting and it made him paranoid - I mean, I know this is ridiculous and I also suspect the actual reason he recorded me was because he overheard me talking to a male on the phone on Wednesday evening (daughters best friend, who also happens to be gay).
I’m sorry to hear that you’ve experienced this horrible behaviour, I hope you’re well away from it and have peace in your life!

This sounds absolutely awful, can’t believe in his head that your behaviour is what resulted in him recording you… I hope you manage to get out OP, wishing you all the best.