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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner is only nice to me when I am down

12 replies

NoLeaveIt · 22/06/2023 21:57

I have noticed a pattern where my partner is moody and miserable when things are going well for me and only nice to me when he has brought my mood down.

Has anyone else experienced this?

It really hurts that he doesn’t seem to want the best for me at all.

OP posts:
ymemanresu · 22/06/2023 22:11

🚩

AssertiveGertrude · 22/06/2023 22:21

Not good - go with your gut

scoobydoo1971 · 22/06/2023 22:26

I ran away from one of those types. I call them misery sponges in that they seem to enjoy your upsetting circumstances and lap it all up. Even when things were going well I noticed he would comment negatively. For example, "That is good news Scooby, but don't expect that good spell to last as you know how it will turn out". He seemed to enjoy my unhappiness/ medical drama and was very draining on my energy. No one needs that sort of person in their life, so please run away and fast. I have no regrets and much happier without his negative input.

EarthSight · 22/06/2023 22:28

Yes unfortunately. Probably not as much as you, but he seemed to cheer up quite a bit if anything went wrong or wasn't quite as nice as I imagined if we planned to go out somewhere (he mostly wanted to stay in all the time or do the same things over & over).

AmandaHoldensLips · 22/06/2023 22:31

This is seriously fucked-up behaviour and designed to mess with your head and destroy your self-confidence.

Dump him and find someone who brings joy to your life.

Original poster
NoLeaveIt · 22/06/2023 22:32

I try not to let him bring me down but it is so difficult not to be affected

OP posts:
Original poster
NoLeaveIt · 22/06/2023 22:35

AmandaHoldensLips · 22/06/2023 22:31

This is seriously fucked-up behaviour and designed to mess with your head and destroy your self-confidence.

Dump him and find someone who brings joy to your life.

He gets quite offended when I have pointed it out to him but I think that is because he sees himself as Mr NiceGuy so he doesn’t like to think of himself like that.

OP posts:
Thepossibility · 22/06/2023 22:37

Your partner doesn't like you being happy? Sounds lovely Confused

Original poster
NoLeaveIt · 22/06/2023 22:38

Thepossibility · 22/06/2023 22:37

Your partner doesn't like you being happy? Sounds lovely Confused

He denies that but the pattern is definitely there.

OP posts:
EmmiJay · 22/06/2023 22:43

So you see the pattern and don't think you should leave him...? You won't be able to fix his weird behaviour. Best you move on, I say..

Original poster
NoLeaveIt · 22/06/2023 22:49

EmmiJay · 22/06/2023 22:43

So you see the pattern and don't think you should leave him...? You won't be able to fix his weird behaviour. Best you move on, I say..

He is having DBT therapy at the moment so he is trying to change.
I’m so worn down that I haven’t got the energy to disentangle our life together.

OP posts:
AmandaHoldensLips · 22/06/2023 23:01

So he's clearly achieved what he set out to achieve:

"I’m so worn down that I haven’t got the energy to disentangle our life together."

Wearing you down is exactly what he wanted.

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