I was in quite a strange relationship a few years ago, where I felt I was charmed into something that was not necessarily real per say. I was very much, I feel at that time naive and possibly love bombed by someone who couldnt offer me anything, other than his charm nor security or any love for that matter.
Since a few years later, I have met this lovely man, we are still going through a few things when it comes to his divorce, which he cant get to until his house is sold with the ex, its on the market as we speak and we would like to think it sells this year and she has agreed with the solicitor what he gets and its all confirmed etc.
Now please dont judge me, its just me who has gone through the above with an ex and my background which puts me in a rather insecure and also unpredictable feel when I am around my current new partner.
So he is in his late 40s, no pension/savings or house of his own for around 4 years now, he has rented etc.... as he was with his ex for 15 years or more, he doesnt have anything to his name, apart from getting money from the house sale which seems reasonable etc and has a fabulous job, which he works hard at etc and incredibly stable with it.
So, I have my own house, parents are very comfortable, pension/savings/lots of equity in the house and run my own business. I would say I have a lot to offer and hopefully a nice person :)
After my divorce and the last relationship, where I nearly lost my business and lost a lot from the divorce to start everything on my own, its put me in a very wary prudish position and I cant stop over thinking, what if this guy doesnt make me feel secure in the future? as he has never secured himself with his ex? his job is secure but is he? its like I am paranoid and he keeps on saying, it would be nice to just try and go with the flow instead of being a rollercoaster ride...then he says, but only you know what you want as I am feeling I am on a roller coaster ride with you. Which it must feel this way, as I am very much up and down with those over analysing thoughts.
He offers me a lot of emotion, love, passion, happiness and fun, as well as loyalty and security in other areas, but the way I have been brought up, he says to me I sound very pretentious, but I think its just me protecting myself as I dont mean to sound this way, but he says he gets it! We are complete opposite in our lifestyles/upbringing too.
Anyone else been in this situation, where I would like someone who is possibly financially equal but he isnt, however he works hard, he has no family, as in siblings, or parents as both passed not long ago, he was adopted and friends are just non existent, apart from one. Whereas I am very close to mum/dad/lots of friends/lovely upbringing and secure with my family, so loving etc...my mum says we are so different and worries, he has nothing secure in his future for me, which has made me feel quite upset about and its stuck in my mind. Was that a wrong thing for her to say? He says isnt love enough?
He worries in case we are mismatched because of our backgrounds etc but yet I do love him, and love how he treats me and never had anyone like this, compared to the cold/arrogant/nasty ones in my past etc.
Thoughts anyone?? as I dont treat him badly, I just worry about this issue as its more my own insecurities from the past and my upbringing, what my mum has said has stuck in my head too..... he cant help he hasnt the same, its just as it is and everyday its in my thoughts, which is at times pulling us apart!!
it makes me sad, I wish I could let this go...!!