I came on here a few weeks ago about discovering my OH was having an affair.
I got absolutely flamed. It was horrific. I left Mumsnet as a result.
Please be kind. I am very fragile.
I stayed with husband after affair which lasted two months. Ended when I found out. No contact since.
I have found it very very difficult to stop spiralling and thinking about the affair.
we have tried to get back on track.
sometimes it goes quite well. other times not so well.
I told OH, I was going to even up the score and do exactly what he did.
To this end I went online and met someone and arranged to meet with them.
husband hacked my phone, and contacted the man and told him to delete his online profile and never contact me again.
We went to a friend’s house the other evening and had a lovely time. I had one small glass of wine.
husband a strong gin and tonic.
got home and I was on my phone in one room- I often am, and husband in kitchen.
OH became angry that I was online again, probably talking to men and started drinking heavily. He dragged up some inappropriate texting I did nearly twenty years ago, with my ex, on one occasion. He posted about it on Reddit pretending it had just happened.
he then used the vitriolic responses to goad and taunt me.
I went to bed. I barricaded bedroom door.
he broke the door down, came in drunk and shouting. I was literally lying in bed trying to sleep. I had told him not to come in.
suddenly I was covered in beer. As I gasped and tried to get up, I felt a huge explosion in my face- he had thrown his heavy glass tankard at me and it had shattered on my nose. I was covered in glass.
if I hadn’t had my eyes closed from the initial hit of beer, I would have been blinded. I really believe that.
I got up, thinking I was wet from the beer, but when I opened my eyes I was soaked in my own blood.
he was immediately remorseful, trying to help.
I got out and went to the bathroom to try and remove the glass from my face.
I was in agony.
I have lacerations to my forehead, now I have two black eyes, and a suspected broken nose.
he offered to call an ambulance and hand himself in to the police but I stopped him.
I don’t want the shame, stigma, our children would be devastated. We would lose our lovely home.
my father is terminally sick and I am dealing with that too.
i couldn’t drive. I had a bath, tried to stem the blood flow and he said- I will drink coffee and sober up and take you to hospital. He did.
I lied about what happened.
I had 15 shards of glass removed from my face.
stitches.
glue.
my nose will heal and not require surgery.
I will be scarred for life.
he has never been violent, and never cheated, in nearly twenty years of marriage.
he said I had goaded him by speaking to someone else online.
he said he was drunk, and that he will seek help for that- he has.
How can I ever trust him again?
I have had to move bedrooms because I am so triggered and panicked by the fact it happened in my safe place- in my bed, at home, that I cannot sleep in that room again.
I love him, and just cannot equate his behaviour with who I thought he was.
he has been under a huge amount of pressure financially and personally. But so have I.
I hit him and pulled his hair recently on more than one occasion about the affair. He says that makes me a domestic abuser too.
but I wouldn’t dream of glassing him which is effectively what he did. I have never ever experienced violence and I am so traumatised by it. I keep having flashbacks.