I cheated him

[changuli]

We had a beautiful relationship almost 1 year. Almost going to get engaged and moving in together. Our parents even met , had so much of memories and beautiful ride.
I was having a sexual relationship with a married man over the last 4-5 years and wanted to escape the relation and wanted to have a proper life with my boyfriend. But the person whom I cheated never wanted to me move on. I always made sure that no not this time. I love my boyfriend. During our relation, I cheated him and didn't responded him for 3 days properly. Infact I was angry and was saying why are you interrogating me? He flew to see me and doubted me for the first time that I could even cheat on him.
I never wanted to neither I had intend to. He hates me and says I can't continue with you who have affected mind and cheated twice. Once when he was married and now with me. You even slept with him after he got divorced.
I was actually happy and thinking I will have a good life with my boyfriend. I planned all our future events too. I lost my mind those 3 days. I never spoke with him in that aggression and rude. He says we had so much bond, how could you do this to me? I loved you and you didn't even care.
I still want to be with him and get married. He thinks I will always be that person who acts innocent but isn't. I came to be with him for few days thinking he needs me when there is some other college and job problem for him. But its so difficult to be with him as he sometimes loves me so much but sometimes gets mad so bad and starts saying so hurtful words about me. He says he can't be together. He says stay here properly and never show your face.
I tried convincing and showed him with all my love but I don't where we will lead to because we don't even stay in the same state.

Please advice me.

Damage is done, for his sake, move on.

Oh mate. Move on

I'm sorry, I don't entirely understand what's happened, but it sounds like he doesn't trust you and is angry with you. For both of your sakes, I would split up now - this will not improve.

Done deal I’m afraid. Trust has gone.

in your post you paint yourself as a passive victim, someone who just couldn’t get away from the married man she was having an affair with and then who can’t understand why her boyfriend is so angry and keeps shouting at her because she never does the same.

Yet all of this is of your own making. You chose to sleep with the married man again, you chose to gaslight and be defensive and then have chosen to stand and listen while your boyfriend vents at you.

I understand your boyfriend is angry but I’m really uncomfortable with him shouting at you, and that he is saying really hurtful things. The cheating has changed the dynamic in this relationship and it sounds pretty toxic.

This relationship is over. You need to leave your boyfriend and cut the married man out of your life for good.

Trust has gone your relationship is doomed

You cheated. He can't forgive. Let him go.
There is no future for this year long relationship, move on.
And stay away from married men.

I still believe there is hope. We both love each other. I can't think of marrying someone in life beside him. It's not just move on and life will go on. I am attached to this person, he has my heart. Living a life without him gives me fear. And we both know the bond, the chemistry, the love we have for each other is very different.

You can stay where you are but it sounds like he’s moving on.

Maybe he’ll come back to you, but if he does, he’ll probably treat you very badly to punish you and might even cheat on you to get even.

All the best!

You say you both love each other. That's just words. You don't cheat on someone you love. You will very likely do it again so he's dead right not to trust you. Move on

I’m sorry but if your truly love someone then you don’t cheat on them. From what I can gather, you had an affair with a married man and decided to continue it when you met your boyfriend. I understand it might have been hard to say no to the married man but that’s a choice you made. Your boyfriend was ignored for days and now has a right to not be interested in you since you cheated. He will naturally say some nasty things to you as he’s been hurt.

Leave the boyfriend alone, if he changes his mind and wants to get back with you then he will know how to contact you.
Stop sleeping with the other man and try focus on yourself .

Is there any hope that we can be together?

No. No there isn't.

I think you've really messed up and need to ask yourself some tough questions about why.

Don't be so passive, at least accept this is all your doing. You've caused a huge amount of pain and broken trust.

I think the best thing to do is move on and let your partner/ ex go because your posts are all about you and I don't think you grasp how much this has affected him which would be the only start of an honest attempt to rebuild things. Leave him alone and let him come to you if he wants.

How would you ensure this never happened again in a relationship and how would you rebuild trust? Why did you lie? What about his question, how could you do it? And why go to him when it is clearly painful for him and he has other stuff going on?