Ghosting

[Anonanon18000]

So, I'm new to online dating. I have only been on for a few weeks. I wasn't particularly keen but thought it might be fun. I haven't been on dates as such since my long term relationship ended 3 years ago.

I'm a single parent working full time so I don't have much time and I am not looking for a serious relationship. More just dates and some physical if the dates go well.

There is one guy in particular who seems attractive and nice and not one of the weirdos I have encountered and we were all up for meeting and I had a babysitter planned but he has gone cold.

Now I understand no one owes anyone anything but it's a bit of shitty feeling. I don't know why I care as I'm not invested in this anyway but I am
not enjoying the feeling of waiting for someone to text or second guessing. It makes me think I'm better off not having this added stressor in my life.

Is it worth OLD and if it is, for anyone doing it at the moment, how do you become immune to this feeling?

There is a dating thread on here. If you look it up it has some fairly light-hearted rules which might give you some insight. It's a bit of a lottery and anecdotally, from my experience, women seem to have a worse time of it.

It's a shitty thing for any person to do to another. I get really fed up of the trope 'no-one owes you anything' – because yeah, I think humans owe other human's basic respect when our time and emotional investment is involved, even at low level, and surely taking all of 30 seconds to send you a brief 'all the best' message is one of the most basic respect tasks you can (and should) expect. Please do expect more of the people you speak to and go on dates with, your bar should be high – it will save you a lot of time second guessing and making excuses for the bottom feeders.

Op thats lousy behaviour. Hope u ok. A friend ghosted me its crap not nice at all.

I remember sometimes arranging a date and the conversation then going a bit quiet until the date itself- I suppose we would mutually and tacitly agree to have an initial chat, decide to meet and then not invest any more time or energy until meeting in person. Could be worth checking whether you're still on for the date. Obv if he doesn't reply then that's your answer.

But yeah. OLD is a bit of a mire but there are some nice people out there and it costs nothing to politely cancel a date so dick move if he has just left you hanging.

Do you have any slots where you can meet without a babysitter, say for coffee while the kids are at nursery or school? I think key is to keep investment and expectations low at first and this could be a practical way of doing this.

The above is assuming the day and time of the date hasn't passed. If it has then sod him, it's just rude. As I say, keep investment very low because this sort of thing does happen.

Yes low effort.
Domt endlessly chat or get to deep with conversations, creates false intimacy.
Take everything, every one of them says with a pinch of salt until you know it to be true
Dont get invested, look ar it like you would a series of job interviews
If they wont meet within a week unmatch and move on
Keeping it flowing will help you to not get involved.
Not romantic but completely necessary to keep an emotional free decision process in place lol.

I can see the frustration when you need a babysitter, it's not just you, I find most my online chats don't end up in a date, even if initially they are keen to meet, the chat fizzles out by the time it happens.

You date a lot and don’t over invest. You don’t notice when guys disappear if you have lots of others messaging and dates lined up. I used to only give guys 4-5 messages on old to ask for my number/ to meet. Another 4/ 5 to set up the date. I had one night I dated on and I would line up two each week where possible. One to meet at 6pm and the other 8pm. I enjoyed dating. Met lots of characters and interesting men and enjoyed visiting new bars and restaurants. I was home by 10pm for the babysitter so never too much time wasted. After about a year I met dh.

fyi I never wasted a babysitter because I joined meet-up and would go to their events if dates fell through.