Are you 50+ and in a post divorce relationship?

[Bennyhillwasshite]

If so, can you tell me what yours looks like?

I’m curious as I’m 8 months in to something that feels great - am v surprised after 3 yrs of really shit online dating - but now after the initial rush of madness (does he like me, oh lovely yes he does and wow I actually like him too!!) I’m wondering what the more settled period is going to look like. Especially as we’re at different stages of life. He’s late 50s with 2 grown up kids, one at uni the other living mainly with him, and I’m early fifties with a twelve yr old living mainly with me. We’re both busy, tend to see each other at weekends and the odd midweek night but obviously I’m more tied with childcare than he is. I don’t need it all to be dinners/dates, I’d like it to be low key and at home sometimes too. The gap is probably him coming to mine as my son is at an awkward stage and although they’ve met briefly, I have steered away from DP coming to mine for dinner and so on. I think I need to be brave and say what I’d actually like, as I find my midweek nights a bit routine and lonely sometimes.

For anyone in my situation, how do you arrange things? For context, we live quite close to each other. He doesn’t have loads of hobbies or a big busy social life, he likes being with his kids and hanging out at home.

I'm 49 and partner is 55 we have been together for 15 months and live 10 minutes apart. I have a 16 year old who has significantly affected by my divorce. He doesn't have any children.

We see each other nearly every day and have done since we got together. Some days it's for a very short time as in I will drop by his house and watch an hours TV programme together / just have dinner / take his dog for a walk. When time allows we spend longer together.

We have introduced him to my daughter but taking things very slowly. He stayed over at Christmas but has only stayed one night since. He comes over on a Sunday afternoon for a roast or a BBQ.

Not in a hurry to blend families as it wouldn't work while my daughter needs me so much. Luckily he is a very patient and kind man!

He hasn't told me he loves me yet and I would really like him too! I haven't told him yet either though....

I'm 51 now, he's 57.
Widowed (but previously divorced from H1).
Started seeing DP 5 years ago, so was 46.

Live about an hour apart.
I've got 20yo & 17yo, so were 15yo & 12yo when we started dating. 20yo now at uni.
He's got adult children (and young grand children) who live about 4 hrs away and who he doesnt see that much of.

We see each other at the weekends, which he spends at mine.
Messages and maybe a call during the week.

Initially it was dates when my children were with their dad (H1), then staying over. Gradually introduced them, and he started staying when they were here as well.

I don't know what the long term future is.

I'm 54 with an autistic 12 year old. I doubt I'll ever have a relationship again.

I'm 53 and dp is 49. Been together 5 years.
Started off slow, took almost a year to intro kids.

The initial rush settled after about 18moths and I honestly have never known a better partner but it's taken me a long time to climb down from my fear of anything going wrong at the slightest hint of trouble.

Dp is a diamond but I'm also a catch once I realise the universe is not out to get me!

Take your time. Be prepared for hiccups and be honest with each other IF you think they're a keeper

@Bennyhillwasshite my situation is quite similar to yours, except we're together 1.5 years.
I've 2 DC who live with me, he's 1 who lives with his mother and we see each other at the weekend and probably once during the week.
We never really just hang out at home midweek and watch a movie, it's more dates, which on 1 level I like but on another I don't!
It's definitely quite different from other relationships but life circumstances are very different now too

Thanks for the replies. It’s interesting to see how others manage things. I’d like to see DP more, even if it’s just more brief meetups at each others houses but we’re both juggling stuff and also I’m rubbish at saying what I want 🙄

This is my experience too. I'm 60, he's 54, we've been together just over four years. He's a diamond, I never knew before how it felt to be totally loved. Amazing. But I'm struggling to let go of past hurts and disappointments from my marriage and actually go full-time with him. It's possible that we never will - which is probably not a problem. Adult DC know him and he often stays when they're here. Joining finances is the thing that makes me feel sick. I've always been financially independent and I just can't give it up, even a little bit.

You absolutely HAVE to say what you want OP!

We are both 50, both have youngish kids, I have mine EOW and half the week, him just EOW. Spend weekends together and two week nights when my kids aren't here, he'll sometimes stay over when mine are here too. Works well for us.

@Bowbowbo
I don't understand....why would you ever join finances? Maybe a joint bills account if you lived together....but otherwise 🤷‍♂️

Because we effectively live at my house, which will go to my DC when I die - at which point, he will be on the streets (well, in his poky little flat). I don’t want that for him, but equally I don’t want him to have a life interest in the house so it only goes to them when he dies. So the logical thing would be for him to pay me a capital sum now so the house goes into both our names and we live here, and that capital goes to the DC now - which sounds fine on paper, but is just too much of a commitment for me!

@Bennyhillwasshite , has it occurred to you that it may be a great relief for him if you just tell him what you want?

I can only speak for myself I suppose, but I and probably many other guys can be absolutely rubbish at "reading the signals" of what a woman needs and wants. It is pleasing to receive a clear request, so long as it is a request rather than a demand, and then to feel appreciated when the request can be met.

I am writing this just in case it makes it easier for you to say what you want.