Relationship with a narcissist has destroyed me

[zippywippy11]

I was in a 3 year relationship with a guy 18 years older than me and it almost destroyed me. Even though I'm a few years out of it now, I have not been able to function since then and feel I will never get back to the happy Person I used to be before I met him.

Even though my ex never physically hurt me, the emotional mistreatment was the worst-constantly treating me like I was worth nothing, always making plans with other people and ignoring my calls and texts for days, insulting everything about me-one particularly hurtful insult was him saying he was glad I was infertile because my kids would look like gremlins and "every psychiatrist in the country could breathe a sigh of relief". he also pretty much isolated me from everyone in my life leaving me with no friends. I also tried to end my life during my relationship with him and had to spend some time in hospital whereby he never once came to visit me and when I did see him again, his response was "Congratulations on being alive".

I'm in therapy all the time and it has helped me to address and recognise these patterns and allowed me to move on a little, but I feel incredibly broken and have an inability to trust anyone anymore. I see him get on with his life with plenty of friends and an active social life, everyone thinks he is a wonderful man and would never in a million years believe the kinda things he put me through.

I'm in my late 30's but feel about 50 years older and am honestly struggling with even being here anymore. Has anyone dealt with anything similar and managed to come out the other side?

Hey didn't want to read and run and I hope wise people than me will come along and comment but I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for all you have gone through in this relationship. That man sounds like a giant emotional bully and just be thankful that you were able to leave. Take things one day at a time and keep speaking about things, you're not alone @zippywippy11

Hi - yes I was in an abusive marriage for 5 years, left when I was 31 and lost almost everything in the process. I have recovered relatively well emotionally and mentally but financially I am still dealing with the consequences. Two years out and I’m hoping things will improve still.

resource wise - Dr Ramani’s videos on you tube are great. Feel free to PM if you want to chat / need support.

Ive been through something very similar. My ex fiancé (4 year relationship) was what I would define as a house devil and a street angel. A broad smile on his face walking down the street, big waves to all the neighbors. At home this was not the case. I got called just about every name under the sun, and had bad things said to me also. This went on for years before I got therapy, which helped me to get out. It is now 7 years later. I am married now to a very understanding and tolerant man who wouldn’t hurt a fly. Sometimes, occasionally, maybe a handful of times a year, I see my ex. When I tell you my legs go to jelly and my day is affected after it, I mean he ends up in my dreams that night and it takes over my day. But, I suppose I just want to say that I did move on and I am happy now. I think it’s normal to have these feelings even after the relationship ended for you. If I came out the other side then you can too :) in your own time you will :)

I was in a 12 year emotionally abusive relationship, and i've come out the other side.. Ok its taken 4 years, The Freedom programme, counselling and a Pandemic, but i had to be in a room with him recently, and you know what, i felt nothing whatsoever.
You will get there, but it takes time..

Work on yourself and your boundaries. What do you want out of a happy life. Take back your power. Try to stop thinking about him. Start with one half day at a time. Reward yourself.

You will come out the other side. But forever changed. In some ways bad because you'll have lost that...innocence I suppose. Where you xpuld just assume that people are with you because they love you. Not because they are evil fuckers who mean to suck your life energy dry.

But in some ways better. Because you can betyer spot the wrong sort and- appreciate the good where you do find it.

You do not go back to who you were. But if you take this as motivation to do all you can to read up on how to spot these fuckers and make the commitment to yourself to take no similar bs I future, there is a feeling of strength and empowerment that comes along. Of being your own Knight. Knowing you now have your own back through thick and thin.

It'll take work to get there. But without this horrible experience, how would you have had the opportunity to grow in this way as a person?

I wouldn't wish these shitty people on anyone. But flowers flourish from shit. Just give yourself time.

I found these videos massively helpful and insightful for dealing with the aftermath of emotional abuse:

https://m.youtube.com/@LookingBehindtheMirror/videos

Also Stephanie Lynn:
https://m.youtube.com/@StephanieLynCoaching

And Bianca Sparacino’s ‘In Your Feelings’ podcast. It doesn’t deal specifically with abuse but is so healing and wise.

You can come out the other side OP 🌹