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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Unfaithfulness revealed.

24 replies

Healingthehurt · 21/06/2023 08:46

Hi all.
Just after a little bit of advice and help to reorder my thoughts.
I will start off by saying that I love my dh very much. He is an excellent husband and father. He adores us and and is very hands on attentive. We have been married for over 20 years and are very happy.
However, it hasn't always been so easy. 20 years ago after the birth of our 2nd child (we had 2 close together) I got sick and with it a bout of depression. Our relationship suffered. I was very low and absolutely shattered by caring for 2 babies while being unwell. He began spending a lot of time out at a certain hobby which he enjoyed. We drifted apart, there was no physical connection . We were just existing. Divorce was mentioned.
We decided to try again after a frank discussion,he jacked in this particular hobby, things got better, gradually my illness and my depression lifted and life was good. We went on to have 2 more children and life has just got better and better since then.
A few years after our low point he came to me saying that he had to be truthful with me about that time. My memory of that conversation is that he had multiple kisses with one woman over a period of time. He wanted to feel wanted as I wasn't giving him the attention he needed but it was eating him up and he needed to tell me. He was very tearful, and upset that he had hurt me. He promised me that nothing else happened and I believed him. Although over the years there have been some nagging doubts as to whether there was more (multiple kisses with one person can often lead to more).
I obviously forgave him and like I said our marriage is actually really strong right now. I just can't help every now again the little niggle that creeps in about that time.
I had one of those niggles a few days ago and spoke to him about it. He asked why I was focusing all my attention on this 1 woman and I replied that should I be focusing on anyone else, was there anymore women?
So he has sat me down and re- told me everything that went on. And apparently it wasn't several kisses with 1 woman. It was 1 kiss but with 5 different women. He swears that this was what he told me and I absolutely believe this but for some reason my mind blocked all of that out and focused just on the 1. (I think it's because I know that she was actively pursuing him at the time, I remember her messaging him a lot).
Anyway my mind is so confused right now.
On the 1 hand it makes things better as if he only kissed that woman 1 time there is a lot less likelihood of him sleeping with her and I can deal with that.
On the other hand. I am so gutted. At a time when i really needed him, when I was at home looking after our babies. Suffering with a physical and a mental illness he was out putting himself out there to multiple women. 😪 I have to re-iterate again that I believe him when he said he didn't sleep with any of them. He is so honest and he is so hurt by his own actions. I know he wouldn't lie. But I'm really struggling with the idea that he was literally disrespecting our marriage with anyone he could at the time.
I know a lot will have gone through a lot worse with their cheating husbands and in context a few snogs here and there isn't a big deal. But it is to me. I feel so hurt and I'm trying to sort my head out but it's hard.
So many people comment on our relationship right now, how happy we seem, and we absolutely are. But this revelation feels like I'm hearing it for the first time and it's taken the wind right out of me. I know I need to leave it in the past where it is. I've forgiven him and we've built a much better relationship then we had before. But I'm just hurting at the moment.
I don't know what I'm asking. I just need some perspective I suppose. Tell me to get over myself and be thankful for what I have.

OP posts:
misssunshine4040 · 21/06/2023 09:00

He has told you to ease his own concerns. He let you down when you were sick and depressed trying to care for 2 young babies.
He took himself off to do his hobby and kiss other women.
Not once or twice, not even one woman!

If he was such a great husband and father why did he not take over for you and let you get better, support you and be faithful?
His main concern was his lack of attention he was receiving.

I'm glad to hear your marriage is better now but I would take off the rosé tinted glasses and see him for what he is

PaintedEgg · 21/06/2023 09:17

Honestly I am not sure if "a lot will have gone through worse"

Being ill, depressed with two young children while your husband is out there enjoying himself and snogging other women sounds pretty awful. I don't think it even matters if he slept with them (I don't buy that he didn't, like why would he not to that of he was already being selfish and uninvested in his marriage?)

You sound like you feel sorry for him that he feels bad for failing you literally at every possible level. He should feel sorry, that is the least he could do. He was neither good husband nor father and you'd be 100% justified if you wanted to leave him now knowing all of this

MrsSamR · 21/06/2023 09:18

I mean it's up to you what you decide to forgive and move past and I don't think the validation of strangers on the Internet will help with that.

I'd just be a little bit suspicious of 5 separate kisses with 5 separate women that didn't go anywhere else. Are these all women from his hobby at the time? Or just random strangers? It feels as though he was actively seeking out these people, rather than 'it just happened' and at such a low time for you.

Just because you forgave him previously when you thought it was 1 woman does mean that you need to now it's 5. If you found it it was more than 5, or there was sex involved would you still forgive?

I just worry that I'd always be wondering if there was more that he wasn't telling me and did I have the whole truth. I speak from experience that these things tend to unravel to reveal more.

I hope for your sake this is all there was and you can find a way to move past it. Anything is possible if you want it enough so best of luck.

MrsSamR · 21/06/2023 09:19

*doesn't

Fraaahnces · 21/06/2023 09:23

I would be deeply dubious that you ever “forgot” something like that if he told you already. Don’t believe that.

Opentooffers · 21/06/2023 09:42

You may say you absolutely believe him, but it's the nagging doubt of there being more to it that niggles. If you 100% knew it was as far as kissing, you'd be over it by now. But the story has changed, which doesn't help or inspire confidence in the account, so you are understandably analysing events around the time to work it out for yourself.
Any chance you could get in contact with a member of the hobby group? Was hobby a cover? Maybe he stopped going because he'd developed a bad rep?

AuntieDolly · 21/06/2023 09:47

Where did he find 5 women to kiss?

Healingthehurt · 21/06/2023 09:54

@misssunshine4040 yes these are the thoughts that are going through my mind right now.
@PaintedEgg I have no doubt he does feel sorry. I can see the hurt In his eyes and the disappointment that he has caused me so much pain and continues to do so. You're right he wasn't a good husband or father. I felt abandoned and betrayed by him but he has worked so hard over the years to build up that trust again.
@MrsSamR - 2 associated with the hobby, 1 sister of a friend of his and 2 random in a nightclub. Seemingly anyone was fair game at the time, he wasn't fussy.
@Opentooffers hobby def was nor a cover. It was musical theatre. I actually went to see a lot of his performances. The rehearsal schedules kept him out a lot and then of course there were the after show parties. He really enjoyed it but he gave it up (of his own accord) after our divorce discussion as he wanted to reinvest in our marriage. He hasn't been in contact with anyone from that time in almost 20 years.
@Fraaahnces yeah I know and that is what is making it do difficult. But why would he tell me 5 kisses with 1 women when it was still 5 just with multiple (what would he gain from that). He must have told me. My memory has just twisted it. I was very angry with that one particular woman at the time for her constant persual of my dh.

OP posts:
Healingthehurt · 21/06/2023 09:55

@AuntieDolly explained that above (crossed posts)

OP posts:
chemistnightmare · 21/06/2023 10:00

I will start off by saying that I love my dh very much.

Why? What you go in to post isn't a situation that would make me feel love

He is an excellent husband and father. He adores us and and is very hands on attentive

Excellent husbands don't behave the way yours has.

He is so honest and he is so hurt by his own actions. I know he wouldn't lie.

He isn't honest. He has lied. He has disrespected you. He isn't hurt by his own actions, he is manipulating you into feeling sympathetic towards him.

Tell me to get over myself and be thankful for what I have.

I think you should get over him and know your true worth. There is nothing to be thankful for with this man. You are worth much more.

PaintedEgg · 21/06/2023 10:11

@Healingthehurt think about yourself. how sorry someone feels is nothing but co sequence of their own actions and you don't have to consider it in your decision making unless you want to.

Also, while I understand he worked hard over the years to make up for it, he also was not truthful over those years. It also clearly still hurts you and you get those times when you wonder about his infidelity

you've just learned that over those years you didn't know the whole truth and chances are you still don't know everything. So your decision making process can wither be based on what you do know about what he did, what you suspect he did, or the fact that to out it bluntly - you will never know for sure because, again, he has been dishonest for a very long time

Thewookiemustgo · 21/06/2023 10:23

If you’ve had honesty and remorse and it stopped 20 years ago, and for the past 20 years he has been dedicated and committed to you and your children, it is far more likely he was a man in a crisis who made shit choices rather than deal with his issues. There’s a world of difference between this and a serial cheat. His issues are important in understanding what led to his choices, but understanding is not excusing. He was seeking validation and approval by getting flattered by women instead of turning to you. His issues caused it, not you, and his issues may explain it, but they condone absolutely none of it. He still betrayed you and treated you appallingly. Infidelity is plain wrong, no matter what drove it in the first place, no matter what issues he had, he chose the wrong thing to do.
However, if you want to stay together and you want to get through this, then your chances sound good. He needs to understand why he did it without blaming you, in order to change his behaviour. It looks like he has.
If you believe what he has told you, and you believe there was and is nothing more to hear, it will not help you to pick it all apart and listen to randoms who don’t know him or you, trying to infer that there was more to it. You have asked the right questions and believe the answers you were given. They know less than you do. What is important is whether you believe that it was over years ago, he learned his lesson and it never happened again. The ‘he has shown you who he is’ comments apply to serial cheats. He hasn’t done it again, you believe, therefore his confession showed you who he was, not who he is now. No human being should be defined forever by their past actions, as long as they have stopped, learned from it and changed. What he showed you at the time was that in a crisis he made utterly shit, self-medicating choices rather than support you and your children. He has learned from that experience and is quite rightly ashamed of himself and wishes he’d never behaved in this way. What he is, is a normally decent man who was struggling and behaved in a selfish, cowardly and avoidant way, instead of dealing with it and talking to you. He regretted it totally and learned from it, changed his behaviour and you say he has been a decent, loving man ever since. That’s who you think he is, and that’s all that matters. However, this information has hit you like an oncoming bus. This is normal, you are playing catch up with it all, he has had years to process what he did and you haven’t. Look at the affair recovery websites and find the parts that resonate with you. What you are feeling is absolutely horrible but absolutely normal, no matter how long ago the thing that traumatised you happened. You are still processing it, things you pushed down at the time are coming back to haunt you. Read all you can about affair recovery and see a counsellor if your mental health starts to nosedive or you feel an objective ear would give you clarity. As you process it all, be prepared to find however that you can no longer stay with him, getting through infidelity and betrayal is hard and there is no shame in leaving or staying, what is important is that this is your life and your choices. Advice is just that, advice. It doesn’t mean it’s the right advice for you. Wishing you lots of luck, this stuff is so painful and hard to deal with.

Sunshineandflipflops · 21/06/2023 10:33

My ex husband kissed another woman (there was probably more to it but I will never know) when we had an 18 month old and I was pregnant with our 2nd. He was very remorseful, begged me to forgive him, to not leave with our children. So I did, after all it was one kiss and our marriage was generally strong and happy and I couldn't think about being a single parent to 2 under 2.

We did have 10 more happy years together and I don't regret staying, but then he had a full blown affair and there was no sweeping that under the carpet.

I think once you have let yourself go down that road and crossed that line, you are more likely to do it again when the going gets tough.

Healingthehurt · 21/06/2023 10:38

@Thewookiemustgo your advise is spot on. I do believe absolutely he has done nothing since. He stopped clubbing, stopped his MT. Took himself away from friends who made similar bad choices with their partners and has been so dedicated and attentive ever since. He is honestly remorseful and upset about his actions. He was 22, we married young. We are now 42.
I will take a look at those websites, Thank you and try and figure a way forward. I really do love him and I do trust him. It just feels like a fresh wound at the minute.

OP posts:
chemistnightmare · 21/06/2023 10:44

I really do love him and I do trust him

Have a look at @Sunshineandflipflops post.

He did it again.

Once a disrespectful lying cheat...

GoldDuster · 21/06/2023 10:49

I'm not going to tell you to get over yourself and be thankful for what you have.

You say you know he wouldn't lie, but that ship has sailed, he's lied to you and that's why you feel like you do. You don't need to tell yourself that is nothing and stiff upper lip it forward to avoid rocking the boat. You have some information and you need to do what you need to do with it.

apparently it wasn't several kisses with 1 woman. It was 1 kiss but with 5 different women

I'd say that the likelihood of either of these situations being what happened is very slim. He's got a guilty conscience and when you nudged it recently, the story changed, and more was revealed.

I'd say that you feel bad because you know that there's more to the story and you know he's had the wool over your eyes initially in a very vulnerable time in your life, and on a continual basis since then. You could press him for more information, you'd be entitled to do that. But then what? Maybe you decide that you don't want to know any more and continuing with your relationship as it is now, is what you want. Either way, I wish you well, it's not a nice position to be put in, and there are no easy answers, just what feels right to you.

TheDuchessOfMN · 21/06/2023 10:56

I’m prepared to be flamed, but If it was 20 years ago and he was only 22 years old, I’d let it go. Don’t torture yourself now.

I don’t know of many 22 year olds who would be ready or mature enough for marriage and children. I do believe that he could be a different person now.

chemistnightmare · 21/06/2023 11:19

TheDuchessOfMN · 21/06/2023 10:56

I’m prepared to be flamed, but If it was 20 years ago and he was only 22 years old, I’d let it go. Don’t torture yourself now.

I don’t know of many 22 year olds who would be ready or mature enough for marriage and children. I do believe that he could be a different person now.

None of us are the same person we were 20 years ago. I couldn't forgive the lying though. I don't think age is a reasonable explanation here.

Gettingbysomehow · 21/06/2023 11:24

I think the only thing that would make me really angry about this was that he decided to get it off his chest to make himself feel better and now he feels better while you feel awful.
He should have kept it to himself after all this time.

Thewookiemustgo · 21/06/2023 20:29

@Healingthehurt take one day at a time, there’s no rush to make a decision to stay or go and your initial decision/ reaction may change over time. Ignore the ‘once a cheat…’ comments, whilst obviously understanding at the same time that some definitely do go on to cheat again. You are the only one who knows him well enough to know the difference and knows what the past twenty years have been like to make the judgment call about whether he’s a safe partner or not. It’s incorrect to lump all cheats together. So easy to generalise about people you don’t know. Listen to both sides and make your own mind up.

Whatonearth07957 · 28/06/2023 19:25

PND and talk of divorce 20 something years ago. You need to look to your now strong marriage and forward not back.

Mischance · 28/06/2023 19:45

The phrase "I was not giving him the attention he needed" crops up often in these threads. The truth is that he was not giving you the attention YOU needed.

It is good that you have worked on repairing your marriage, but you cannot wipe out or "unhear" what you know. He did let you down when you needed him most and that will wrankle. You are only human.

I hope you can find some peace.

SunflowerTed · 28/06/2023 21:06

chemistnightmare · 21/06/2023 11:19

None of us are the same person we were 20 years ago. I couldn't forgive the lying though. I don't think age is a reasonable explanation here.

Totally agree. I don’t agree with what he did but it was a long time ago when you two were falling apart. He stayed and things are great. My advice is leave it in the past where it belongs xx

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