Should I stay - a long one

[Whoslineisitanyway]

My husband and I have been together 10 years married for two, and have a son who is one. Pre baby we were good, we rarely argued or even bickered. However I’m a nurse so was out of the house from about 5am-10pm 4 days a week so very little opportunity to argue.

since having our son our marriage has been very strained. He has been so defensive with me to the point even the smallest disagreement turns into him raising his voice and swearing, and me asking him not to talk like that round our son, which normally results in an abrupt end to the conversation and nothing being resolved.
He has been working full time throughout and has always earnt more money than me. I have recently gone back part time. I mention this because a common theme of his arguments (even if it’s about nothing related to money) is that I’m ungrateful because he’s paid for everything.

i don’t know how to continue on with these arguments. I don’t know if we should. Yesterday when the subject of divorce came up he flew off the handle and said “you’ll take the house and you’ll take the kid because let’s face it that’s what you’d do” this upset me so much and speaks volumes that he thinks I would try to take our home from him, or a father from our son.

any advice welcomed

It doesn’t sound like he likes you very much at the moment tbh, he seems to resent you not working, and then only working part time.
Maybe counselling or marriage guidance will help him open up and actually say what the problem is so it can be fixed. If not, then you have to ask yourself is this the kind of behaviour you want DS to model his on?

Marriage after a baby is really tough. As you said, you’re spending more time together than you did before. You’re both tired and probably not getting a lot of time just the two of you- which I know right now you won’t want.
He seems to resent the time you’ve had at home but won’t be seeing it as you raising a child and being busy all the time but seeing it as you being home so having more time to relax whilst he has to work to keep the family going.
You are doing the right thing by telling him not to speak to you in that way. I’d suggest marriage counselling and hope he changes but if you’re not happy then maybe some time apart might help?
My dh and I went through this but he never shouted etc. We took some time to enjoy time ti ourselves. He went out with friends and I had some days/ nights with friends too to help unwind. When we were both feeling a little more relaxed we started date nights again and tried to calmly share how each other was feeling without it being a competition about who was more tired/more stressed/ working more etc. It’s been a very hard slog but I can feel us coming out the other end.

yes it feels like he doesn’t like me. I think counselling is probably wise but he’s very resistant to it and won’t tell me (sorry for the drip feed there)

No I certainly don’t want this behaviour replicated in our son. I never saw it pre baby so am a bit at loss on ho to handle it

You’re looking after a child and working part time, kudos to you for this! It’s still tough to go part time and nursing is a tough if not very rewarding job.
He seems angry that you don’t work more. Bringing up money doesn’t help matters. Surely when you guys decided on kids, he would have realized that maybe part time would suit you better. Maybe he’s feeling the financial thing more with a new baby, If you didn’t see pre baby. Maybe he’s under pressure with adapting to fatherhood. Could you set aside some time to talk properly about this? You can’t be expected to live like that: not a nice comment either about taking the house, another material thing to be taken away from him so maybe money is a big thing for him at the moment.