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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Gambling Partner

12 replies

SilverCocoon · 20/06/2023 14:49

Hello,

I’ve been with my DP for 4 and a half years now and we have DD who is turning 3 next month.
I found out about my DP’s gambling about 6-7 months into our relationship. I was very naive and didn’t know much about it or in fact much about him as I had just moved in with him. As the months went by I realised he spent a lot of time at the bookies and he always had piles of betting slips in his drawer. When he hot a full time job he would spend even more money and time. He always says he loves his sports and that he’s good at betting. As the months went by I found out that he took out loans behind my back and was lying about it in face. Even I was pregnant hecwould loose big amounts and then come home crying and promosing he will change. Of course never happened. When DD was bor I returned to work to finish my studies and he quit his job to look after her. We vlaim UC as a couple so wev anout £700-800 a month and I have a salary if about £1200. I’ve found out that all of our bills are in arrears (rent over £2500, council tax pretty much the whole year £1500 plus the one from this year, water over £800, eon probably about £700). I recently started paying remt myself directly as before I would tranfer money to him and obviously it never was paid. We have massive arguments now more regularly than before and he asked me many times to move out. I also told him I would kove out many times but have nowhere to go.
I really don’t know what I can do as he refuses to seek help for his gambling. I have no family in country apart from his mum who lives far from us. The tenancy is on his name and I have no savings or even good credit score to try and rent a flat.

I’m sorry about this very ling post!
I’d be very grateful for any advice you could give!
Thank you!

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 20/06/2023 15:15

I would start by having him get a job and putting your child in nursery.

Take charge of all money and accounts and get debts in order. Since he is a gambler, this is the one scenario where it is acceptable to restrict his access to bank accounts. Look for advice on how best to do this from a support group for the spouses of gambling addicts.

require him to get support for his addiction.

if over the course of the next year he makes real progress, then maybe you marriage can be saved . If not, then you no longer will have a situation where he is a sahd and you are faced with a custody situation that is not in your child’s best interest because an addict should not have majority custody.

fruitbrewhaha · 20/06/2023 15:18

He refuses to get help. Leave him to it.

You'll need to find another flat. Find out what benefits you are entitled to and get on the council housing list.

afferici1980 · 26/07/2023 05:08

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Summerslimtime · 26/07/2023 05:27

Can you move to your mum's and start again? You need to disentangle your lives.

AgentJohnson · 26/07/2023 05:39

There’s no future with this man and if you don’t want the stress and expense then you need to be elsewhere. You have been incredibly naïve/ reckless and you need to stop investing in a man and a relationship that isn’t worth your time.

Your plan should be to leave.

Guiltyfeethavegotnorhythm0 · 26/07/2023 05:49

Personally I would find a way to leave him . Gamblers never seem to get better , even going as far as losing the family home with them . Get help .

AttilaTheMeerkat · 26/07/2023 06:50

He could well end up losing his flat due to his gambling addiction . Make plans to leave this man and rebuild your life, there is no future for you at all with this man.

CatchMeQuick · 26/07/2023 10:38

You are doing him a favour by paying rent in his name. Surely the landlord would be happier to have it in your name given you are working and actually paying it? I would see if you can change it and then kick him out! He can go and stay with his mum!

Otherwise you stay with his mum and stop paying rent and leave him to it.

Aarondedja · 24/08/2023 09:50

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anotherdisaster · 24/08/2023 10:32

I also agree, you need to leave this man. He's refused to get help and, like all addictions, he has to want to give up. This will drag you down even more and you don't want to end up with bad credit either because of him.

Treepigeon · 25/08/2023 18:31

You need to leave.

Trust me. My sister is a gambling addict. This man will destroy everything. You need to leave and make sure he is completely financially independent from you otherwise you will not have any financial future
Anything else will just result in enabling.

AquaHiker · 29/04/2024 09:45

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