Seen NC family member after 3 years

[MaxwellCat]

At the weekend I was invited to a child’s birthday from my daughters class, I don’t do the school run at the same time as the other parents so had never met the parents, I went along and when I got there I realised I knew the family of the girl (not the mum and dad but the extended family and friends) I was surprised as I had no idea but ended up knowing a lot of people there. Anyway I am NC with a family member of mine and haven’t spoken to them for 3 years as they did something very awful to me. I didn’t think for a second they would be invited as it’s a children’s party and they don’t have young children, well at some point during the party they walked in. They clearly weren’t shocked to see me so I think one of the people I know from the party let them know I was there? Anyway I was civil to them as the approached me and my daughter and I was civil and exchanged a few words as I didn’t want any issues at the party they approached me (this person is very volatile and is known to kick off and not care who is there so for this reason I remained calm and civil) however at the first opportunity I could I left with my daughter.

Anyway as I left they told me to reach out if ever I want to. I nodded again to keep the peace and then left. Only I do not ever want to speak to them again and will never forgive them for what they did to me I simply remained civil to not cause a scene, where do I go from here? as they’ve rang my landline a couple of times since then which I haven’t answered and I don’t want them turning up unannounced which they have previously done. I know I was wrong to be civil to them as it was “mixed messages” I guess but this person has kicked off in a party before at another of my family members and was asked to leave so I really didn’t want any drama around people I will have to see again as they are in my child’s class and all her classmates were there. Please tell me what I should have done differently? as I don’t want this situation to happen again and obviously won’t be attending any of their parties again. I would have left immediately but I had left my coat and bag in the room and my daughter had no idea who she was and kept asking to get her face painted which we was in the queue for.

I think you did all the right things. Just go back to ignoring them and don't answer the door to them. It does sound like it was engineered to some extent, maybe you could check that with the party host? If necessary explain why you don't want to see this person ever again.

Revert to the previous and if pushed, explain that the civility was out of respect for the host and not to be construed as any sort of olive branch whatsoever.

That must have been quite a shock for you but you handled it well. Go back to your normal NC status quo and try to put it out of your mind.

Just continue to ignore. I wouldn't try to explain as it gives the sense that you need to 'explain yourself' (which you don't). Personally, if it was me, I would have blanked them at the party and let them kick off. It wouldn't be you who would look like a fool.

You handled that perfectly in the moment.

You now continue as before.

Do not answer the phone.

Get a video bell.

Should they call to your door tell them they are NOT welcome and if they call again you WILL report them for harassment.

Do you know who contacted them?

If you do.

Avoid them.

You did the best you could in a very awkward situation. Not sure what you could have done any better. Just give them a wide berth from here on out.

Thank you all. They’ve called me about 6 times today I am really regretting it but I panicked and just didn’t want to cause a scene. It was the last thing I was expecting and definitely believe they was informed, I could not face those people again if anything kicked off I just couldn’t. I am so annoyed with myself, if I had known I wouldn’t have went

Ring 101 for advice.

Tell them you are feeling harassed and ask for advice.

Well, the good news is that the fact that this person has now called you 6 times, is a clear sign that they have zero understanding of boundaries etc.

whatever happened to m make you go NC in the first place, I think it's safe to say that this person most likely has a variety of abusive/manipulative/controlling tactics and so they are taking what ws perfectly normal politeness at a public event and turning it into something else. I bet that this person will now be telling everyone they can that you blow hot and cold, were all lovely at the party and now being all mean again.

Continue to block and ignore.

I am NC with some of my family. We will at some point, funerals, have to pass paths, but i will say hello, be civil but very very limited talk from me. I would then carry on with NC after, certainly wouldn't answer phone etc. You did right thing.

Definitely this

I think you handled a difficult situation very well. Keep your boundaries strong. Perhaps tell them once that you don't want contact, telling them by text or email, then if it continues you could report for harassment.