Did I ruin the thing what we had because I couldn’t forgive him for going on a dating show?

[MJdey4you]

Okay so because I couldn’t write the whole question in the story, I’ll say it here.
This guy and I had been talking for 4 months but then things started getting rocky when he went on this dating show and claimed it was PR for his job. I just couldn’t bring myself to believe him and I felt hurt. We weren’t dating yet but I genuinely thought he was serious about me.
i told him I didn’t want to speak to him anymore but he kept trying to get in contact with me but I felt I’d be stupid to forgive him.
This went on for about a month and he didn’t call me once to even talk about the issue, everything was via text and I felt he wasn’t serious because if you were you’d really try to fix things.
Anyway he got tired and texted me a few days ago that he doesn’t think this is going anywhere and it feels toxic.
Why do I feel bad like it’s my fault for not forgiving him when he’s the one that caused me to react like that. We finally ended things today because I don’t want to be an option to anyone or force anything.
But why do I feel like I ruined what we could have had?

well...it is your fault and yes you blew it

shows of any kind are generally fun, not serious and come with some degree of monetary compensation ... oh and you were not even dating

im surprised he even persisted texting you

Did he even film it while you were “dating” or did it just air recently?

Talking for 4 months?! He wasn’t interested in the first place and most likely seeing others.

Appearing on any show of that type is more than enough reason to ditch him!

If you were only chatting for 4 months, chances are he applied to go on the dating programme well before you appeared in his life, so it's not an issue. That you were not even dating when he went on it means he was free to.
As he was single still after being on it, clearly it didn't come to anything anyway. Then he spent a month trying to convince you to 'forgive' him, when he's done nothing wrong. I'm surprised he hung in for a month, you sound like hard work. It's possessive behaviour towards someone you are not even classed as dating. He owed you nothing at the time so you have no grounds to be mad at him.
You might have stuffed up a good one there by being insecure and possessive from the start.

You're not toxic OP. You were under the impression I imagine that the 2 of you were leading somewhere and then he goes on a dating show and gives you some bull about it being for work.

I don't blame you for being hurt by that. So what if you were not 'dating' as such, you were still getting to know each other and feelings were being developed. if he didn't know this then hes thick as shit, or just an average Joe arsehole.

Either way you are well shot of him. I imagine if you'd done the same he'd of had a few words to say about it .

He isn't he one for you at any rate. Leave him to his exhibitionist dating and find yourself someone who gives a shit about your feelings.

Did this happen last September and was the girl a Spanish pole dancer or does mumsnet have quite a few insanely jealous posters this afternoon?

You ended something that hadn't even started by telling him you didn't want to speak to him again, now you're upset that he didn't try hard enough not to believe you?

He went on a dating show, which is evidence enough in my book that he's not quite boyfriend material, in the same way as anyone that wants to be a politician probably shouldn't be one, so you've dodged a bullet there.

Forget about it and find someone else to talk to, that doesn't do things that you don't like.

You didn't have anything to lose but may have forfeited a potential relationship,

Please say it was Naked Attraction 🙏

If you'd both agreed you were dating then he was very clearly trying to find someone else.

If you hadn't agreed that, and it was very informal, then perhaps he did nothing wrong.

That said, you had every right to not like it and to move on.

However, your actions after that are confusing. You told him you were finished and not to get in touch. He tried to but you ignored him. Now you think he didn't try hard enough. It reads as though you were playing a game. You didn't really want it to finish. You wanted him to regret going on the show and to beg you to come back, and perhaps make some sort of commitment.

Game playing is not a good way to conduct relationships. Tell the truth. Keep your word. Know your boundaries. Walk away if you don't like what someone does.

Don't tell them it's over then expect them to keep begging so you can take them back.