My name change says it all.
The term limerence has only just beeped on my radar but I totally get it. And when looking back through my relationships I realise I’ve kept repeating the same patterns - not being interested in someone until I realise they are interested in me.
Backstory. Born to older parents as a mistake but had relatively happy childhood. Always felt caught between generations and never fully appreciated for myself. Ended up in relationships with folk that were not great for me purely because they were interested in me. Fear of abandonment n all that, though ultimately it was always me who finished with them.
First marriage ended, had a few relationships, nothing lasting. Met current husband who is a good man but we have no emotional connection. I’ve been to therapy about this and instead of talking about the relationship I have with my husband I ended up talking about my mother. I think it’s from there and her lack of interest that my issues stem. DH not without his issues either but I’m exhausted trying to fix things for both of us. We always circle each other warily and have no emotional connection.
Because of that, whenever any other guy shows even a slight interest, they become a limerence for me. I now recognise it for what it is and don’t do anything about it, not wanting to cheat on my DH for one thing. But I realise that he too was probably my limerence and I just wanted, craved emotional intimacy with anyone so ended up with him. Over the years it has always been an issue. But we have kids and on the face of it a lovely life, sharing the same hobbies. But I’ve just come back from a girls weekend away and we don’t exactly fall into each other’s arms. There is just no connection. I should never have married him but I’m terrified of leaving to just repeat the same pattern with men who are not suitable for me. I’m in my mid 50s now and destined never to have sex again or that intimacy that you have with the right connection. It makes me so sad!