Are there any women on here whose partners have little to no sex drive? So fed up

[BigButtons]

Been with my partner for nearly 5 years. I am 55 he is nearly 62. My sex drive had always been higher than his, but I was happy with the three times a week we had. It has gone from no more evening/ nighttime sex to no more early morning sex. Now it might be at the weekend if I am lucky.
I can never intitiate as he will always say he is too tired. l, stressed, always reasons. He says he fancies me still. But I cannot express myself sexually. I feel bloody unattractive tbh.
I have asked him this morning to get his hormone levels checked. He is always so tired and lethargic. He has other blood work done and all levels are fine. I am wondering if he has age related low testosterone.
I see a sexless future for me.
I either bail or stick it out . I love him to bits. He is a lovely, supportive man.
just wanted to know if anyone else has experienced this and what you did.
Thanks

Anyone else? Even more depressing to think that most other folk are having fulfilling sex lives ☹️.

Yes, me!!

I'm 52 (and on HRT) and 48 and super fit. You'd think we'd be at it like bunnies, but we're really not.

Our marriage is on very thin ice anyway (on our final, final try to make it work) but we argues the other day about this. Historically his sex drive was higher than mine. He was a bit of a pest and I'd just give in for a quiet life. But I sorted out my hormones with mirena, pill and now HRT. Except that he won't.....

So we're at an impasse, and I'm left wondering if it's just me as I'm older, a bit overweight (size 16) and not really into keeping fit like he is.

Sadly I can't add anything useful as Im female but feel like your partner (I'm 61)

That should say "dh is 48 and super fit"!!

I think that is a more ‘normal’ way round. I wish to god I didn’t care for sex. Things would be so much easier.

This has and can still be me. I've always had a higher. Ex drive. He often turns me down. I go through periods of feeeling unattractive and unwanted. I find if I make more more of a day to day effort with him, the amount of sex increases. Once we e increase, it starts to happen more regularly.

@Definitelynotme2022 it’s so depressing isn’t it? It’s not something so feel I can discuss with fiends as they also know him- it wouldn’t be fair . Issues in this area come up over and over and that is probably making it worse. I know I have choices. I can put up or walk away. I just wish he wanted to at least TRY, for us, just try and see if it a hormone issue.
i don’t pester him for sex. Once every couple of months I might muster up the courage to hint, but I will always be turned down. So when he does initiate I feel hugely resentful that our sex life is solely on his terms: how it wants it and when he wants it.
it’s as if I just don’t matter.
when we talk about it he says stuff like ‘ I need to up my game. I should be doing this and that’ and I always say that there are no shoulds. No one should be feeling like they should be having sex. But he clearly does and I don’t know what to do.
we went to a fancy dress party at the weekend. A mural male friend ( who was a bit tipsy) complemented me on my dress and then my body. DP never ever compliments my body, none er says he finds me sexy, that he wants me. There is no passion at all. Any sex is pedestrian and boring.
I just need to get this out and chat about it with someone. Sorry for the outpouring.

I do wonder whether I make him feel crap tbh and therefore lacking in sex drive.
I have a propensity to blame myself for everything though🤷🏻‍♀️

@BigButtons I do constantly tell my H he looks great though . If I'm honest I've not been very that way after 3 years with either of my husbands - and both were good looking blokes (still are) I can't explain why- certainly when I put on 3 stone in my second marriage it seemed to kill my hormones- even when I lost some

You sound so similar to me!

My dh is 5 years younger than me. He's at the gym umpteen times a week, has a physical job and a six pack. I'm sure people look at me as the frumpy wife, but shouldn't that mean it's me with the low sex drive?!

I'm internally furious that I've chopped and changed pills over the years, mirena coil and now HRT to boost my sex drive when it's flagged, but he's done absolutely nothing! I find it very telling.

Feel free to pm me, I really don't mind.

@BigButtons I definitely feel the same as you. I'm 57, H 65. No sex or intimacy. I love sex. ED issues for a few years and viagra does help.... but he's not interested in anything other than missionary, no oral, nice underwear doesn't interest him. We have sporadic really awkward conversations (which I always start), I get upset but nothing changes. Our last conversation he told me he had no sex drive.
No one should feel they have to have sex they don't want...but equally I feel I've been forced into celibacy I don't want. We're now in separate bedrooms and I feel like we're flatmates. He's seemingly happy with the situation, as of course he's got no desire for sex. I feel desperate tbh... not sure where the relationship is going. V aware we need to talk but frightened to open the floodgates

In the nicest possible way, he's 62, what are you expecting?? I had a slightly different situation with ASD which started when my now ex was 32, and I thought you were going to say he was mid thirties or something! I imagine he's just aging, it happens. I will be you soon as I'm 50 and have just started a relationship with a 57 year old man and I'm expecting the same sort of outcome after he's 60 tbh!

I not expecting swinging from the chandeliers that’s for certain! But if it’s hormone related then he could ask for help. I asked him he he wanted to have no sec drive or get up and go generally and he said he wanted those things. I was asking ‘ don’t you want to want it?’

I so get you. 4 years ago dp was really into sexy underwear etc. now he couldn’t give a rat’s arse about any of it. So I stopped bothering. Maybe I should start again. Just for myself. It’s hard to feel sexy when your other half clearly finds reruns of blackadder goes forth more appealing than the occasional shag.

Story of my life. DH not interested much and never has been. Used viagra in the past but that’s just the sticking plaster to some other underlying issue he hasn’t explored or seen a therapist about. But after kids we’ve hardly had sex and now I’ve frozen him out. It’s my self protection as I can’t bear the thought anymore. He was never emotionally connected to me and that issue underpins our sexless existence. It’s truly awful. Do I risk it all for a shag elsewhere? We’ve tried counselling but it hasn’t helped longer term.
I feel ugly, unattractive, dead, etc and I don’t know what to do. My preponderance for limerence would make me terrified to date again but I love it when a random bloke takes a second look. It’s like a missing part in my life and then I know I’m not ugly/unattractive. It’s a shite state to be in. DH is a good man but the thought of never being emotionally connected ever again makes me wonder what the point of life is 🙁

This sounds very like me.
I entered in to this relationship many many years after leaving an abusive long term partner and father to my children . When I met do I had been celibate for 10 years.
I was so delighted to be having sex again that I was - (and I feel so ashamed) prepared to have sex with him for a whole year with only PIV and no foreplay. Literally no orgasm for over a year. I was terrified of losing him or ditching him so stuck it out.
when we were initially texting - before we had sex-he would tell me about all the things he wanted to do sexually- hours of oral- what did I like- all that.

It turned out after no oral that he infact hates oral sex- both giving a receiving. It was always my favourite bit.
I insisted on the pleasure between us being mutual . He didn’t seem to have a clue what to do with a woman’s body which lead me to believe that every other shag he’s had was also literally just a shag. He knows very little about women’s bodies.
Even now- it’s like sex by numbers. He is so uptight and clearly has unresolved issues around intimacy.
and I know we are incompatible in that sense and I know I should walk away BUT he is such a caring and lovely man. He is kind, thoughtful, reliable. He loves me. So it’s a toss up- do I try and find someone else who is more normal sexually and hope they are as decent as he is or do I stick with this substandard situation.
I just wanted to be really wanted. I just want to feel some passion and longing for me from another person.

I totally get what you mean. I’ve had many relationships and lovers in between my husbands (have never been unfaithful btw) and I think there are so many men out there who just don’t know what to do, or how to do it properly and they can’t be bothered putting in the effort to find out. Bet my DH and your partner aren’t on a forum somewhere trying to find solutions.
I’ve gotten lucky sometimes with sexual partners so I do know attentive lovers exist but all the other bits that make a ‘good man’ seem to be missing.

@Imarriedmylimerentobject maybe we are just chasing unicorns. No they most certainly aren’t on internet forums looking to improve their technique.
I have had many many lovers over the years. Some selfish and indifferent, some very good but I’ve never come across anyone as clueless as my DP. Maybe I got ‘lucky’ in the past.🤷🏻‍♀️

I mean if he had sex with you for an entire year and never bothered to do any foreplay he's not that lovely.

Option 3. Don't bail, don't stick it out. Find a lover. Be discreet. LIVE. Be.

I just think it’s ineptitude really.

I have considered that- in my youth I wouldn’t have thought twice. I had the morals of rabbit. Not so much now though.

I'm not sure it's moral of a man to keep a woman entrapped in a mostly sexless relationship, with an occasional bad fuck. No! Desire, eroticism, orgasms, PLEASURE give you the energy and respite you NEED. Sorry but any man who doesn't want to make you come again and again isn't actually nice. Life's too short!

My DP is 67, we go through long spells of pretty much daily sex then it reduces due to his joint/muscle issues. I don’t mind that at all, I just get low and insecure when the kisses and cuddles also get dropped at that time and everything feels perfunctory. He’s a very generous lover a lot of the time, so when it is more selfishly done it somehow hurts more than previous lovers who were selfish all the time - if that makes any sense.
I would communicate that you want more intimacy and feeling desired, and that doesn’t have to take place in a typically sexual way. Sensual baths. Fondling on a deserted beach at dusk. Foot massage in the garden. There’s many ways to make each other feel really wanted. You deserve that.