Alcoholic ex abuse

[Rockingchai]

I am just posting as an outlet.

Alcoholic ex, parent to my son aged 11. We had to leave 2.5 years ago because of the drinking and it’s fallen off the cliff since then - he stopped after rehab for 10 months but now in full frenzy again.

I don’t contact him at all. He stopped seeing my son in January when the drink started again. On some level he knows he’s not fit to see him. He texts my son occasionally - appropriate texts, which mean a lot to my son.

He didn’t contact me for months but recently has started repeat calling, drunk, rambling on about how I never supported him. I’m having to deal with my son’s abandonment issues plus the repeat and sometimes abusive calls. I might block again - had to do this for a while a couple of years ago.

Disaster this morning when I was looking at my son’s phone to see if ex had messaged him - and I called him by accident at 5.45am. I hung up when he called me a c*. Triggered loads of repeat calls and texts ie saying he’s going to leave everything in his will to the Dogs Trust. I haven’t responded.

Makes me so sad for my son as ex probably would cut him out of his will to spite me, and I’d have to deal with that hurt too on my son’s behalf.

I don’t know how I ended up having a child with such a monster. He is a much loved and respected health professional - I knew him for years at work and we were very happy for a decade. I never saw this rampant alcoholism coming until it was too late. His personality has absolutely imploded in the last 4 years. He is unrecognisable, physically and in every other way.

I'm so sorry. Alcohol abuse is cruel, especially to children.

I would block him. You shouldn't have to deal with his drunken abuse. Just keep on looking after your son, you are doing such an important job.

Have you been to Al-Anon? I mean to go but it's really difficult to get out with kids isn't it?

I do see a counsellor to talk through stuff which helps.

It's not your fault you married a 'would-be' alcoholic.

I grew up with one and still somehow managed to marry another. They are good at deception.

Good luck, you've got this.

Thanks for your reply. I am feeling emotionally battered this morning. I do appreciate your kind words.

it’s a surreal nightmare. I should go to Al Anon but yes I have very little childcare so it’s hard to get out.

I’ve just joined an online Al Anon group - thank you for the push - I should have done this ages ago.

I am so very sorry you are going through this. If there is an Al Non group in your area please try to go. There is only online available here and I would not be able to talk freely so doesn’t work for me.

Just remember you are not talking to him you are talking to the bottle.

if he did cut your son from his will you would be able to contest it and as your son is a minor I think you would have a very good case.

Take care x

Thank you and that is a good point about the will. It’s the idea of the hurt my son would feel if he ever knew he was cut out, which kills me. But maybe he wouldn’t ever need to know. And maybe it’s just the drink talking and my ex would never do it