Am I right to want to strangle her?

[cherrycupcake]

My friend is just so selfish and inconsiderate. Last summer we joined a swimming club and would arrange to meet outside the baths at 9.30am. So we would both take our kids to their schools (different schools) and then catch the bus only she would never JUST do that. I would always get there for around 9:20am and she would turn up about 10:15am. I used to be annoyed but didn't say much as I've known her for years and she's always been the same.

One morning I got so sick of waiting around for an hour that I went into town first to buy a few things, to give her a taste of her own medicine I turned up at the baths at 10:30 and she still hadn't got there!! She would take her kids to school, then go home, wash up, have a cup of tea etc THEN come and meet me even though she knew I'd be waiting.

Anyway she does it all the time.

Last week we had arranged to meet at 11am to take the kids bowling. I knew she'd be late so phoned her at 10:30 and there was no answer so I assumed she'd already set off...so at 11.05 she still wasnt there so I phoned her again and she answered! I said "we were supposed to be meeting now, why are you still at home??" so she sounded so relaxed and said "oh, I needed to go to shop and now I'm just having a sandwich, we have all day though don't we?" so I said "well actually, no...I told you I have a doctor's apointment at 4pm" so she ummed and arred and then agreed to set off and meet me at my house.

So she got to my house at 11:45 and I got my shoes on etc and she sat down and said "are we not having a cuppa first?" so I said "well to be honest I thought we could get going since we originally agreed to set off at 11am and its now nearly 12..." she she got quite arsey with me. When we eventually got there it was too busy and we couldn't get a lane anyway.

I know she's a bit "dopey" for want of a better phrase but is she taking the piss or what?

some people are crap at being punctual

other people are good at it

I find it takes a very special kind of person for me to forgive chronic lateness (I'm not talking a few minutes) .. most other people I will just avoid making arrangements with, unless they're joining me and a group of other people somewhere where their lateness does not affect me

Being late, for the reasons you describe, is IMHO disrespectful, rude and egocentric behaviour which I just don't like in RL friends

That would drive me insane.
No advice really. It would make question whether I'd want to make any arrangements with her.

I fucking hate people like that!!

She has absolutely no respect for others!

I would make my own plans without her.

and as for the swimming, I would go ahead & get into the pool whether she was there or not!

i agree total lack of respect. dh is like this and i had to give him a taste of his own medicine, doesnt do it as much now.
i give people 15 mins then go, unless they are stuck somewhere.

It sounds like you just live life at different paces. She might just as well post here and say her friend is so pushy, always in a hurry, doesn't even have time to make visitors a cup of tea before rushing off for the next appointment, always expects you to be there on the dot... and she wouldn't be wrong exactly, but just having different expectations. Presumably you're still friends because on the rare occasions you get onto the same wavelength you have a great time together. Otherwise, all I can say is, get someone else to go out with, someone who understands schedules and deadlines, as this one probably never will so she'll continue to drive you crazy.

I would just get in the pool anyway, with or without her. Likelyhood is that she will be just arriving as you are getting dried. Just say 'hi and bye' to her.

Or just don't turn up at all a few times. If she asked where you were, just say you didn't feel like it.

It is just pure bad manners to make plans and not turn up on time. Shows a total lack of regard for other people.

Doesn't she think your life is as important as hers?

The bowling thing would have pissed me off totally as the kids were involved.

I have to agree - its bad manners. Why bother making arrangements if she's not going to keep to them

I am always often late due to squeezing in extra things like popping on a wash when I should be walking out the door, but I would never, never, never, ever treat my friends like this. If I am going to be more than 5 minutes late I always, always phone to apologise. This doesn't sound like she is late, it sounds more like she is pleasing herself.

I mean, if she has a problem with you arranging meeting times too early then surely it would be better manners to say "9.30 is too early for me, can we make it nearer 11am?"

I would have no problem with this, but to be repeatedly late is awful.

In fact it would make me not want to be friends with her!

she is basically saying that her time is more important than yours

you could try having a conversation about it when you are in a good frame of mind - something like - is 11 better for swimming as its such a pain hanging around etc etc - if she is vague about it then i would probably not bother to make arrangements with her again

AAAGH! I hate this! I LOATHE tardiness - I think it's so rude.

My OH is like this - if he needs to be somewhere at, say, 12:30 and it takes half an hour to get there, only at 12 will he even start getting ready meaning he's always late.

I'm not some anal retentive bore but what's wrong with a little organisation? it's not that hard, surely?

I agree, I really hate it when people are late. If you know how long it takes you to get ready and get somewhere then leave sufficient time to do so, don't just leave it until the last minute. Dh is like this sometimes, we're always waiting for him to get ready.

Are you both SAHM (like me)? It sounds like she sees just this block of time

drop the kids off......pick the kids up

And this bit in the middle is time to do whatever you've arranged and as long as it's completed by the time you pick the kids up, that's fine. She probably sees the whole day as free.

Now I'm not saying she's right. As a matter of fact, lateness drives me so crazy that if someone is more than 5-10 minutes late without making contact, I will leave. I don't hang around for them! I'm just that 'the whole day is ours' is probably her view. Perhaps you could sit down with her and explain how important sticking to an agreed time is to you.

As you can see, it's not acceptable.

Don't be a doormat, dump her.

To be fair, that sort of thing does drive me up the wall even though I tend to run about 5 minutes late. I do have a couple of friends though who are exactly like your friend.

The way I see it you can take one of two views. Either they are bad/ rude/ nasty people who simply don't care about keeping other people waiting or even enjoy it. Or they are hopeless disorganised fuckwits people who have the same concept of time as dead squirrel but are friends all the same.

Given they're my friends I take the latter view. If I didn't I wouldn't have them as friends. Is she like this with everyone?

totally not bloody acceptable.