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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Fear of abandonment in a relationship

4 replies

Hopefooll · 20/06/2023 02:18

Hi all, I wanted see if anyone has experienced fear of abandonment of your OH leaving you.
I have recently got married and things have got a little bumpy to put it lightly. We had a bumpy start as this is second marriage for both of us and we needed to integrate kids, family etc.
That all went well. However the first year we lived together we had an argument and my OH left (this was before we got married and had our daughter etc) It was New Year’s day and I had popped out and when I got back home all his things were gone and except for a letter he left me telling me he thought his happiness was elsewhere etc.
I cannot describe to you in words how devastated I was, I was alone and I just screamed and cried because I wasnt expecting it and I was quite vulnerable after moving the children etc we were 6months into living together.
Anyway, we got back together and it was hard as for a while he still wasnt sure. Things settled and we bought a home together and had a beautiful daughter.
The problem is although I forgave him for leaving me, it left me deeply traumatised. And I now have this crippling fear of it happening again. Now granted I do have abandonment issues from my childhood (parents divorced etc) but I thought I had worked through that! And I was generally a confident person but this fear of abandonment in this marriage is crippling and destroying myself esteem. Of course he just says he would never leave and he was just confused at the beginning..
I know there are no guarantees in life..
Anyway, Im going to see a counsellor and hoping to unpack this and hopefully get over it..
But I just wanted to know if anyone else has a fear of abandonment in their relationship and how they deal with it. Please
be kind in your comments.

OP posts:
GarlicGrace · 20/06/2023 02:55

Not exactly what you asked for, but ... My second marriage made me incredibly insecure! I do/did have some attachment issues resulting from a weird childhood, poor self-worth, etc, but had reached a point where I was confident, successful, and happily single.

Cue the bloke who would perceive all this in me (much of which I didn't even see myself) and systematically work to undermine my new-found security. Or "keep me on my toes" as certain types might put it. He changed his mind inexplicably, disappeared without explanation, and gave me increasing cause to fear he was cheating.

There's more. In short order, I became an anxious, clinging, suspicious wreck. I didn't even understand what he'd done until later, in therapy that I'd undertaken because I believed there was "something wrong with me".

That New Year's desertion was a cruel, vicious thing to do. Coming back but letting you know he wasn't sure: also cruel. It's very demeaning to you - if he couldn't show & tell you he wanted to be with you, what the hell was he doing there?! Only an insecure person would put up with that, and it's guaranteed to make her even more anxious.

What we need - you & I, and everyone really - is to know our partner values us, takes pleasure in our company, respects us, is there for us. I give this to my partners, and I bet you do, too. We deserve the same in return. Our relationships should improve our lives, not destabilise them.

If you're hoping to change him, don't bother. It's irrelevant whether he does this to you on purpose or is playing out some deep-rooted pattern of his own (probably a bit of both). Start reducing your investment in this marriage, start detaching. Start honouring the woman you were before this. Start therapy.

And good luck 💪

Caraduneytunes · 20/06/2023 03:26

You can’t build a solid home on sand, OP.
of course, anyone may abandon at any time; nothing is ever 100% certain in life, but he caused a deep wound to your trust.

the best way to recover if you feel he now is backing up his words with actions and showing you that he’s completely committed, is to get therapy, especially a trauma-informed therapist who can help you heal the past.

but if he undermines your safety in small ways ongoing, that’s not something you can heal on your own, you’d both need to do the work.

Yes, I had an ex like this, and he never did let me relax into safety. He’d do this kind of thing constantly.

I’m sorry. It’s so hard, and it’s such a shock to the system. :(

Hopefooll · 20/06/2023 11:07

Thank you for responding Cara and GGrace. Its such hard work being in an insecure marriage, its been rough.
After we got married he bumped into a mutual a acquaintance of him and his ex wife. He congratulated my OH on getting married and my OH told him not to mention to his ex wife that he’d got married. When I asked why he cared whether or not his ex wife knew he had remarried he claimed he was protecting his buddy from getting into an awkward conversation with his ex wife!
Its like what Cara says undermining our relationship in lots of small ways..
I am definitely starting to work at becoming stronger and more independent from him in the relationship. Just thinking of all the ‘little’ ways he belittles me is making me realise how much Ive been putting up with.. too many little things I discount but of course our gut never lies to us and the impact on me is showing me that this is not a healthy way of having a relationship.

OP posts:
WednesdaysMentor · 20/06/2023 11:43

OP, this sounds awful and i feel for you living it.

Was with ExDP for 23 years always women on the edges of our relationship, 3 years in he left me and it devastated me.

I always felt our relationship was sand, i could never fully trust him and i pretty much led a quiet life to stop him leaving. Always backed down so he wouldnt leave. 4 years ago he tried to have an affair with a friend and when i found out I still couldnt leave him, the damage to my mental health and esteem was profound. I hated myself for being weak and forgiving him.

But in those 4 years OP i worked on me, started going out with friends, taking up a hobby, paying off debt and accepted that being with him was never going to make me secure and in January i made him leave.

We are not together now and i have started to see someone else, early days but the feeling of not living on sand anymore is such a relief. I grieve for my relationship but it was damaging my mental health.

Work on yourself OP, dont be reliant on him for anything and if he does leave again you wont be so devastated.

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