DPs ex wife slagging him off to me and their children

[Deargodletitgo]

I think there is probably a good reason why you should never meet your DPs exes, but in our defence we were trying to make it as friendly as possible for the children he has with his ex wife.

For background, they broke up 4 years ago, and he left. She was and is a SAHM and refuses to work, he pays for the mortgage of the family home. He and I have been together for 2 years, she found a new bf quickly after the marriage ended.

Since I have known him she has had boundary issues, being over communicative, saying he's her best friend, lots of chat and contact, not just child related. He's worked to cut this down as he realised it made me feel uncomfortable, especially her expressions of affection like kisses etc.

He's kept it very friendly for the kids, hence trying to socialise as a wider family group. I've met the kids, we get on well.

The issue is this: the moment she can, if he's out of the room she starts ripping apart his personality, the fact she feels financially stressed, the way he ended their relationship, the way he was with his gf before her, his character. Often phrased to scare me off, and in full hearing of at least one child which i find deeply inappropriate.

She made a big show of telling me she's not attracted to him anymore, but has now complained to him directly that she's sad he no longer messages as much or sends her kisses. To repeat, they have been separated 4 years.

I've said I'm done, I have no wish to ever be in her company again, and I have shared what she's been saying to me, and obviously the kids.

As someone who has come through divorce myself I would never act like this, and have never bad mouthed my ex to our child.

I don't know the purpose of this post, but I'm feeling so sad for my partner who has been so supportive as a involved and financially contributing father since the marriage ended.

I understand people can be angry, but what game is she playing to be so over sweet to his face, and yet to me and their own children so bitter?

I would just leave the room every time she starts and say you don’t want to listen to her.

Just say “I don’t think it’s a good idea for the children to hear this” and walk away. Every time.

As someone who has come through divorce myself I would never act like this, and have never bad mouthed my ex to our child.

But she was the injured party by the sounds of it.

If I were you I woudn't go near her, you don't need a relationship with her, although this will not stop her trying to aggrivate you in some way, shape or form.

It's obvious really isn't it, she's been hurt and you sound like you're in some sort of pick me dance, I bet your dp likes it though.

No, i really don't think he does, and it's not about me, it's about his relationship with his kids that she seems intent on poisoning

She is completely embarrassing herself and clueless about the impact of all this weirdness on her children. I'd just stay away from her and let your DP tell her where the bear shits. It's 4 years on and she's still acting all needy and acting as though he owes her something??! All he owes her is to be a good dad to her children. Some people have no pride or dignity.

I agree. Just shut her down everytime.

If she's doing this to get a reaction from you then remove yourself from her company. Don't bother reporting her words to DP, they're not that important. If she slags him off to the children she will do that lots of times when you're not there, anyway so you can't control that. Your DP and you, by actions and when the children are with you, can show what he's really like.

Yes, you are all right, I need to ignore. But i am in shock she thinks her ex husband should be showing her the same affection he shows me, and same level of attention almost. I'm just speechless