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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Who's grooming who?

7 replies

KatherineSwynford1403 · 19/06/2023 11:44

Friend is a lecturer in a FE college. A student joined late in the autumn of 2021 (so is just finishing up a 2 year course). He was 17 soon to be 18 when he joined and is 21 later this year. Friend is mid 40s. She says how he turned up at the staff room door the first day and she was in on her own and was hit by a bolt of lightning. She admits she fancied him like hell and he was different from the others, more mature etc. She says nothing happened between them but they chatted in class and he said he saw her as a friend. He went to the mobile phone shop with her when she lost her phone and he sorted it out. He gave her his number "just to test it works" and they have been messaging about concerts etc. She's given him lifts home after late classes and given him extra help to pass exams and coursework as he is applying to a Russell Group university. The course is a vocational A level one but this boy is doing additional A levels. He brought her wine and chocolates and a card (I saw it) with kisses in it.

It's clear as crystal he is using her for grades, but she is adamant he's different and grown up in comparison to the others in her groups. He's probably a year or maybe 18 months older than the rest. She says she knows nothing will come of it longterm because of the age difference, but she's happy to have a fling as long as they both know it is real love but can't last forever.

I think it sounds like a bad romcom or terrible chick lit but more worrying is potentially grooming aspect. This student is technically an adult.

Would you do anything or would you keep your beak out?

OP posts:
TheSnowyOwl · 19/06/2023 11:46

Adult or not, it’s inappropriate and grounds for dismissal due to gross misconduct.

KatherineSwynford1403 · 19/06/2023 11:49

TheSnowyOwl · 19/06/2023 11:46

Adult or not, it’s inappropriate and grounds for dismissal due to gross misconduct.

Yes this is exactly what I feared. I don't want to report it and I won't (should I?) but I do want to sit my friend down and ask what the bloody hell she's playing at. I've just nodded and pulled faces thus far. It's a very uncomfortable feeling knowing about it.

OP posts:
Imnotahoarderreally · 19/06/2023 12:30

If the guy was 17 coming up to 18 in Autumn 2021 he cannot be older than 20 at the end of this year.
But yes your df needs to back off quickly.

IJustHadToLookHavingReadTheBook · 19/06/2023 12:31

Lol is this a serious question? "Who's grooming who?" She's grooming him!!!!!

This is about as backwards in thinking as the teacher who told 17yr old me that I was a "floozie" for ensnaring my other teacher (and her colleague), who was 20yrs older than me. But at least I was told that back in the late 90s when we were stupider about this stuff.

She's 20+ years older than this lad and I don't give a shit if he is "using her for grades" (of which you have no proof) she's still the adult, the professional and that one who's had safeguarding training.

Fucking hell, I hope that you're a troll because I thought that attitudes like this were long dead.

Lidlpopdrinker · 19/06/2023 12:42

It’s highly inappropriate of your friend to even consider this. It doesn’t matter who is using who to what end, she is much older, in a position of power, and she shouldn’t even be entertaining the idea. Her behavior and lack of professional boundaries is well out of line and if I was her employer and I found out about it there would be serious consequences.

KatherineSwynford1403 · 19/06/2023 12:53

@Imnotahoarderreally Yes poor maths on my part.

@IJustHadToLookHavingReadTheBook Yes I agree, she is. I think he is also tapping her up for grades though and she's going to at the very least look a bloody fool. No I am not a troll at all, I am a long-term member of MN and have better things to do with my time than waste it trolling. I think you've gone too far in your post as your analogy is nothing to do with me. Save your anger for the right target, which is not me, thanks but whoever seemed to have done this to you in the past, which you need to sort out for yourself. I am not backing her up. In fact I am seriously considering backing off from the friendship as I can't be there to support her when it all goes nightmare.

OP posts:
KatherineSwynford1403 · 19/06/2023 12:57

@Lidlpopdrinker It's pathetic to see her fantasising about this student.

OP posts:
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