can anyone offer me any advise

[bubblagirl]

i suffer really bad with insecurties

always convinced dp is looking at someone prettier than me

hate the thought of him reading papers with boobs hanging out i lack in this department

always putting myself down and its really getting to him weird thing is when his working away or i'm out i dont feel ugly or self concious just whenever i'm in same room as him

i think its because were not as loving as we used to be he used to pay me lots of compliments etc

he does tell me i'm beautiful but think he is so sick of doing this how do i make myself less insecure when i'm around him why do i do this when i'm around him

just wandered if someone else been ther eor does the same i feel like i'm going mad

as when i'm out i'm happy gop lucky feel gorgeous but guress i want to be looked at the same way by my dp as i do by men when i'm out

if i keep going on i fear he'll never look at me the same way

i have bit of baggy belly since having ds and really hate it if flat belly appears on screen i panic he wishes i look like that god i sound crazy i want o feel happy with myself

always going on about having no boobs and baggy belly but would love to have confidence to make him love that about me again as that was what attracted him to me in first place

any advise greatly appreciated even if you slap me and tell me to pull myself together

i jsut want to be desired again instead of god here we go again its getting boring for me and him yet i get like it hte min i'm around him

bubblagirl,

Glad to read that you're seeming a bit happier.

I'm in Essex as well, having read your own page I have discovered that I live not far away from you.

What is this Essex Girl's Anonymous??!!!
I'm in Braintree. I'm originally a Midlander and only moved here to be with DH (4/5 years ago). Ashamed to say although I know the A120, Braintree and Chelmsford fairly well I know pretty much nothing of the rest of Essex!!! I wouldn't be able to tell you whether I am close or far from where you are (or whether you are North/South etc). My sense of direction is not one of my strong points!!

braintree isnt miles away its relatively close

atilla i knew you knew me lol

where in essex do you live?

i am feeling much happier i know sex isnt everything but its bought us so much closer and obviously made me feel more sexy

its horrible when you lose that sence of closeness together i'm glad its back hope its back to stay

Sex is massively important in a relationship. Like you say for closeness. If I can get round to it. I'll find the quote from my DH that just put me back in my place. re: body image/confidence.

oh thanks i'll be back later to check thread as ds crying ceebeebie games

spk soon hope day goes ok x

This is the 'quote' pasted from another thread so it may not make total sense .

....well I have the most god awful stretch marks you have ever seen. It's been 18months and I'm still really sensitive about the state of my body. I have kind of avoided sex/being naked. My DH (not known for his talking) just lay next to me in bed last month and went into a huge speech. "I know you don;t find yourself very attractive these days, but believe me I still do. really really do. I love having sex with you for more reasons that just sex. I like being close to you. I understand how tired you are, because you put heart and soul into looking after the children and I respect that and think you do a fantastic job. If I do more and run you a bath etc will that help relax you a little more. And I know the big thing is your stretch marks, but I love every single one of them. They're part of my wife, who I love. Each one represents another week or day that you grew our children and I love you for it all." He then gave me a huge no strings cuddle and we snuggled up to sleep (when I'd finished blarting!!!) So there you go - men see these things a lot differently than we do. They seem shallow sometimes but deep down I think they appreciate what we go through.

Sorry to jump in, but that last bit just made me cry!(quote from man) Just read this thread, and it could have been written by me!! I feel like I have changed into such a different person from the one dh fell in love with, especially physically, and I love him so much and am terrified he will stop loving me, even though he does try to reassure me. He gets annoyed when I get upset about it, tells me he still fancies me, thinks I'm sexy etc etc. I'm currently trying to lose the baby weight from no 3 (15wks), and started going back to the gym, which always makes me feel more like my old self, but it is hard! The advice here, and just knowing other people feel like me, has been hugely helpful. Thanks. Jx

RedJools. At least you're going to the gym, more than I've ever managed!!! Mind you I never went pre-babies .
I think it is all a mind set and a vicious circle. Once you make that leap and start to feel good and believe you feel good then it all springboards from there. I know when I feel tired and don't bother getting out of Pjs first thing, that can quickly escalate into staying in them all day, then it turns into wearing crappy clothes, not doing hair and make-up. The worse I feel the less effort I make, the less effort I make the worse I look the worse I feel etc etc. So I just nip it straight in the bud. I've even been known to yell at myself in the mirror. "Get dressed ya pikey slob!!" It makes me smile and gets me motivated. That then starts me off. Dressed nice (changed halfway through the day due to baby sick/poo/wee/food) hair done, make-up. Then once I'm feeling all nice I usually seem to get a spurt of energy on to do some housework/cooking/painting with the girls etc.
I think this thread is becoming a bit of a self-help page. Less FLYlady and more GHDlady!!!

j i have changed hugely gone from confident to not

but since having the courage to admit it on here i feel so much better

it is more we beat our selves up my dp tells me all the time i'm his sexy girl and he fasncies me like mad but to have my negative response is probably why he just stopped telling me

and then in return i feel worse we have just had the best weekend romantic loving and it was all thanks to me being able to vent my feelimngs on here and not at him

chrissnow your husband sounds like the perfect man what a beautiful and heartfelt thing to say

my dp always says things that are nice must be so horrible to see the person you love hate themselves so much

he used to say to me i wish i could give you my eyes id thin k weird thanks but asked why and then he said so you could see you the way i do

niow i'm beginning tot hink i'm classing him as shallow as alot of men i've had in my life and thats unfair as he has done everything for me and never treated me the way they did

i thank god i have him and for putting up with all my s**t ive put in him

i will alkways be insecure i think but i think i can al;so feel so much better its a matter of training my brain to listen to what he is saying and most of all believing it

mine is only getting a small hug or god forbid i wont be be able to walk lol he'll think his in luck again he he