Is this worrying

[LesleyA]

My friends daughter is in her early 20s and has met a very good looking guy (bit arrogant/vain)so a real hottie. Apparently he’s lovely and they get on extremely well. They’ve gone on dates but he won’t give her his cell/mobile number. Will only communicate through instagram which her mum (and I) don’t use so aren’t familiar with. They are meant to be going away for the weekend so if for any reason my friends mum can’t get hold of her daughter (she’s not a helicopter mum so wouldn’t call unnecessarily) then the mum would have no way of reaching her as I guess her daughter might give his number as back up. Not anticipating any reason to call but is this normal. It feels controlling, but psycho movie, worrying but maybe this is normal? Thoughts please

It’s weird. But she is old enough to go away. Is it possible the girl is just saying that because she doesn’t want her mum to have his number?

Sounds weird. How lovely can he be if he's not giving his mobile number to someone he's going away with for the weekend? Something's fishy.

He’s dating her but won’t share phone number.
Ffsake he’s married.

The daughter also finds it bizarre and has discussed openly with the mum whether she should go or not but in every other way he seems authentic and reliable he apparently just doesn’t give his number out. Just so strange

No phone number and only point of contact is an Instagram a/c, my guess is he’s married and the a/c might not even be his real name ( so untraceable by anyone who knows him and his wife)

Your daughter is off for a weekend with a bloke who he hasn't even given her his mobile nr.? Fuck that.

Obviously hiding something. Whatever, dodgy as fuck.

What if he needs petrol then drives off and leaves her while in the shop buying something. (Just a nightmare scenario that happened to a friend).

Looks ain't everything. (He's probably had a life-time of using it to his advantage).

I know lots of good-looking people. Both male and female. All lovely people. Beauty comes from within.

I'd be getting on Instagram to suss him out. He may even be on there with a false name/identity.

Also weird though that her Mum expects her adult daughter to give her the phone number of the person she's with (unless there's a massive drip feed).

Thank you for all your input/views. Don’t mean to drip feed we (mum and I) just aren’t sure whether we are behind the times wrt instagram being an acceptable common alternative to being contactable via cell/mobile. In all likelihood her daughter wouldn’t have given his cell to her but at one point do the future girlfriend family have his contact details (and please don’t jump on this this is the least of the concern) her daughter just hadn’t come across this when dating before but probably wants to believe the best about him and we are like wtf. Rather give it but say please don’t use it I don’t like being contacted/use it. Thought maybe lots of mumsnetters might say oh that instagram is the new norm. I thought it was more about following someone’s pics etc. so really not drip feed trying to either close a generation gap or be vigilant (well the mum) for any concerning behaviour this included. The mum is lovely and usually very chilled. But this has got her (and I) um choke what!!

So she can have sex with him but she can’t have his phone number? That’s a huge red flag and completely abnormal. That’s about him not wanting to be rung at awkward times and almost certainly because she’s not the only woman in his life.

I don’t give out my number before I have met someone from online dating, for example. They’d only get it once I was sure they weren’t a weirdo, so after meeting in person. Your situation has gone way beyond a first meeting though, so yes, it is very weird. She shouldn’t go away with him.

This is not just a red flag it is a whole pile of bunting. He is not who he says he is for sure. Tell her to run quick and fast in the opposite direction and do not go anywhere alone with him.

It's all a bit odd...
BUT the daughter can say 'shit I think I've lost my phone, could you ring it please ' whilst looking suitably panicked. Voilà 😎

He's hiding something. Doesn't want anything serious is worried she will turn into a psycho and start ringing him constantly. He may have had it before where he's been seeing someone and they have non stop harassed him. I'd say though he has a girlfriend and it's safer for him not to be caught if she doesn't have his number. Ultimately it's up to your friends daughter to be questioning him about it.

She's basically dating Chairman Mao.

Reassure her that this is not normal and nothing good will come a relationship with a man like this.

Has she been to his home?

There is a reason he won't give her his number.

None of them are good.

Red flags flying everywhere with that one!