How do I escape my narcissistic husband?

[FeelingLowLowLow]

Over the last month I've been on mumsnet quite a bit. Replies to previous threads have made me realise the enormity of how my husband behaves towards me. He's rageful, aggressive and abusive in all sorts of ways. I need to escape ASAP, but whenever I've tried to ring WA I've been on hold for hours. He's very charming in public and so I'm not sure my real life friends and acquaintances would understand the scale of it all. How do I go about getting away safely?

Anyone?

Can you tell us more about your situation? Do you have children? Do you work? Do you have access to your own money? What about your housing situation? Do you own or rent?

“He's very charming in public and so I'm not sure my real life friends and acquaintances would understand the scale of it all.”

Let them know what an abusive prick he is. Why protect him? Anyway it doesn’t matter what they think - they don’t have to live and be ground down by it. Speak to a solicitor, she what the options are, have courage, seek freedom!

Your friends and family will know exactly what he’s like! They see it and are waiting for you to see it.

Get practical - money, bank statements, things that are important to you - gather you self together and get some legal advice.

One child, and I'm working but only earn about £13k a year. All my money goes on the rent and bills and no savings. My only relative is my mother 250+ miles away and I know most of my friends through my work so am reluctant to tell them about my situation.

@Screamingabdabz @Probationnotontarget
How much would that cost to see a solicitor?

You can get a free initial consultation with many solicitors and you may well be entitled to legal aid.

Have a look at Caroline Strawson on social media, lots of helpful info on narcissism and leaving a relationship.

Depends on the solicitor. Some do free initial consultations.

I just paid £98 an hour advice. Needed one hour as company too. Took all information. Brilliant solicitor. Did it quietly without knowledge thanks to MN advice.

Have you tried the Refuge line? They usually do a discreet call back if they’re busy.

it’s worth persisting with getting through, these lines are enormously helpful and will give you step by step advice on how to leave and will give you someone to talk to.

have you ever reported him to the police/SS/attended hospital or GO with injuries?

legal aid is available if you are leaving on the grounds of abuse, and WA or Refuge can help you with that.

If you can't get through to a DV hotline try phoning your local police station and ask to speak to someone from the domestic violence team. Tell them you need help leaving an abusive relationship and don't know where to start.

To leave safely you make a plan and do as much as you can in advance. Your local council has a legal obligation to help women leave domestic abuse, that will probably be temporary accommodation, possibly with a local housing association. So you could phone a few local HA's and see if any of them can offer advice.

You say all your money goes on rent and bills, does he pay anything towards the household. Could you save some more,

There’s a book and podcast on exactly this topic
Divorcing a Narcissist - Surpriya McKenna & Karin Walker

@Myeyessting just listened to the podcast and wow it was eye opening. OP have a listen if you can.