How the fuck do u get over someone when there's kids involved?

[cIaire]

Me and my ex have a 1 yr old. We are definitely not right for each other, have always argued like cat and dog. I don't want to be with him but there's still feelings involved and idk how im gonna get over them when we're still in contact. It sounds bad but I think im the kind of person that has to meet someone else before I get over someone. But im happy being single and don't want to be with anyone else so that isn't an option. It's so hard and we keep crossing the line, flirting etc. And then that leads to more arguing. I really want us to at least be friends for our child's sake but idk if that's possible

I think you can be friendly but not friends if there are still feelings involved. It’s so hard when you have children so need to remain in contact. Do you definitely not want to be with him?

@Hetti1 ideally I would like to be with him - it upsets me that we're not a proper family - but we've tried so hard I know that it will never work. And yes I suppose "civil" is what we should be doing but when we try civil it leads to friendly which leads to flirting which leads to arguing and then we're back to civil again lol

You control your emotions. You don’t flirt, if he starts flirting you shut it down. Takes practice sometimes You remain simply civil until you get a to a place where you know it won’t lead to flirting.

Eventually the new civil relationship will become the norm.

I understand where you are coming from, I have 2 children from a previous relationship and remain in contact with their father, we get on so well but both have partners now, there is still love there tho, life’s so hard sometimes isn’t it!. What sort of things do you argue about? Is it big things?

@ProfessorXtra thank u. I usually am good at controlling my emotions in these situations, I can usually just cut people off and that's it but obviously I can't with him and I'm struggling with that.

@Hetti1 so hard! No not really, we mostly argue about past fucking arguments tbh. It's all ridiculous and usually just ends up being point scoring. We just clash as people. How long did it take u to move on?

It’s just practice. You have to be really strict with yourself at first. It might take a while. But it works/

also practice not reacting if he tries to goad you or tries to cause an argument. Grey rock and they go scream into a pillow later 😂

Again, you need to be strict. But it’s worth it.

@ProfessorXtra also practice not reacting if he tries to goad you or tries to cause an argument
Definitely something I need to get better at!

Tricky
if you really want this to stop you need to go minimal contact to be honest
like me and my ex ! Havnt seen him for 3.5 years - he hates me 😂

but sounds like you are spending a lot of time together ?

Counselling can help. Argumentative relationships are really not good for anyone and you need to process everything so you don't repeat in the next relationship

@Thisisworsethananticpated not even that often, he has our child 1x a week so I'll see him then. But we text a lot which ik needs to stop. And sometimes we'll all go out together which also probably needs to stop. I think I just need to get the idea of us being friends out of my head cause it's never gonna work. Although having him hate me and not seeing each other for years doesn't sound great either 😂

@bluejelly I definitely need counselling for a different reason and have been thinking about asking my GP but yes maybe that'll help this problem too