So I'm in a relationship of 18months. I have a few kids from my ex, he sees them often. Anyway the new person net my kids after 10 months, he has no kids.
At first things were okay but slowly over time I've noticed a few things, we're very similar in alot of ways but recently I've noticed a big gap in life experience, common knowledge things that adults learn over time, overall just very different views on the world. I grew up in a blended family and on the breadline though nowadays my family's doing much better I know what it is to struggle.....he does not. He has been massively sheltered, to the point it shocks me how little he knows about poverty and people in lower social economics than him. He's by no means wealthy but extremely sheltered.
Issues that I've noticed and I'm not sure if it's me (I moved out the family home at 17 and have always worked an been independent even when I was with my ex of 15 years)
He's never moved out of his family home.....he's 31, I'm 2 years older. He's made 0 effort in the 18months we've been together to change this. Relationships He's never made it past 2 years and they've ended in the past due to him being clingy and one of his ex cheating on him. I've also noticed he makes weird comments to me at times.....asking who people are on my social media when they just liked a photo (usually it's a boy I have grew up with locally or known since school) then it's....have you slept with them? Like what??? I answer honestly and ive not, they're just friends and one's I only really speak to online now and then. Also makes comments about me cheating on him with my ex........even though he knows my ex was awful to me. I did confront him about this...he tried to deny it but I'm not stupid and told him as much, he agreed he did make those comments and assumptions coz he thinks I will coz his ex did.
Other things......he assumes he is going to move I with me and my kids and get married etc......I just don't see a future with him anymore after having a think about the bigger picture but im not sure how to tell him this. He's admitted to me he doesn't know how to put a bedsheets on a washing line to dry coz he struggles with it...... other things are that he has unreal expectations.....he thinks him moving in will be all sunshine and daisies.......he naps in the day still after work and struggles to hold down a job for more than 6 months at a time. In the 18months I've known him He's on his 5th job. He doesn't realise that although I work part time...him.moving in but unable to hold a job down and napping in the day isn't going to be doable. My kids are loud...2 have additional needs and often don't sleep till gone 2am. I'm used to the sleep deprevation....he won't be. It will be a shock to.him.
Another issue would be his total lack of realistic knowledge of the cost of living right now. He pays nominal rent to his parents for his bedroom there an covered his car and phone. Tho he didn't pay outright for his car his parents do as he has 0 savings. He only pays 400 or so rent a month to his parents. He hasn't got a clue on how much bills and such really are. That he is only used to cleaning his bedroom and not a whole house. When I brought all this up to him he said 'you can teach me' erm......I'm not looking to raise a adult!!
I've also noticed he says 'I'll do that....I'm gunna do this or that' yet puts 0 effort into actually making steps to progress. Example.....I've asked him a few times to come round when the kids are awake or jnvited him on our days out etc.....he rarely does. I've said to him he should spend more time with us and my kids if he wants to eventually move forward and he said 'I know yeah. I will' he actually doesn't. And it's starting to make me feel like he's using me for sex tbh. Like he only comes round 1 night a week and that's after the kids are in bed etc an he leaves at midnight. Then one night of the weekend he will stay overnight but doesn't arrive till almost the kids bedtime at like 8-9pm and then he will go home by 10am the next morning.
He also invited himself to my girls night with my girl mates on my birthday, I'd saw him that day all day but wanted the night to be a girls night with my girl mates who I hadn't spent time with properly in 12 months. He was all.....okay ill come round and stay the night. And then turned up. Also once out with friends he was invited....every time I went outside for a smoke with one of them he would immediately follow me an put his hands around my shoulder or waist etc.
He's also very clingy. I'm busy with multiple kids and a business to run part time and house to sort. J don't have time to sit an dwell on missing him when I'm up the wall busy....yet I get multiple I miss you. Love you. Want you doing. You OK texts about all day every day. Its abit much at times.
I've brought these things up with him but it's always. I'm sorry.....won't do it again. Or I'm sure it will change when we live together etc........like he's not actually listening to me.
What do I do? Are these red flags or is it just me expecting too much? Or are we just incompatable and there's not future due to our vastly different priorities.