What Do Children Owe Their Parents

[Pineone]

I saw this video the other day by Daniel Mackler. He’s an ex-therapist and has made some interesting videos, usually on various aspects of healing from difficult or toxic parents. He often has an interesting take on things.

Our kids owe us nothing.

Interesting... In my mothers eyes we should be beholden/duty to her. Gets bit draining. I dont feel my kids owe me anything!

I don't think my children owe me anything

Respect ( unless the parents haven’t earned it)

Other way round. Children owe nothing, except respect if the parents earn it.

There's no pre-requisite for respect in any circumstance, and the idea that there might be is dangerous. People who respect themselves treat others well, and that's enough. Any more than that must be earned, in the eyes of the person doing the respecting.

There's no pre-requisite for respect in any circumstance, and the idea that there might be is dangerous.

I disagree. Respect (in the sense of behaving towards people in a respectful manner) should be the default behaviour unless there is a really good reason not to behave respectfully.

That's covered by 'self respect, as I clearly said, fairisle.

makes me remember that song, ‘no charge’ I think it was called 😥

@Mary46 It does seem to have changed a little generation-wise. The elderly parents forum on MN seems to suggest this eg. often very unpleasant parents expecting their adult daughters to do their bidding

Children don't owe their parents anything. Being there, paying for things, raising a child etc are all things parents sign up for when they decide to procreate

What do I owe my parents?
Well, I supposed technically nothing. It helps that they don't ask anything, but I love them and like them and so I feel that I owe them love and support as they are now 80+ and starting to need it. So eg this week I have taken a day off to help my dad with medical stuff.
If one of them was ill and needed help, of course I would give it in a way that I probably wouldn't for a friend.

What do my kids owe me?
Again, technically nothing. I would not ask anything of them. But it would be a sad day I think if they walked away and we never saw them again. I like to think that the positive and healthy relationship that we have built would lead to a certain amount of relationship over time. And that the same would apply one day, that they would want to give us some support when we are old. But maybe the key in this is that we DON'T expect or ask it of them, it is given not demanded.

Yes of course I help where I can but difficult when you dealing with demands or entitled attitudes. I cant always drop everything if at work