MIL depositing unwanted funds to my account

[Bigsislookingforadvice]

Hi. Try and keep this short ish
PTR mother - I'll call MIL for ease. We've always had a tense relationship, she's v headstrong and struggling with accepting support as getting older (88). She and FIL live together, he has dementia, she various respiratory illnesses. Day to day muddle along. V anxious post covid, minimal visitors, not going out etc. Very much poor me, everyone against her, refuses offers of help and has cancelled carers post hospital stays.
During covid we did their shopping online through my account and she transferred money via her bank to me - Morrisons have since taken over her shopping by phone.
Bank transfers from MIL have continued for birthdays (PTR, his DC) as she no longer goes out for cash or cards etc.
Problem - she forgot she'd paid some money to my account in Jan and this raised a fraud investigation and full bank suspension on my account last month ! Took days to resolve because she stubbornly refused to admit to the bank she'd forgot making the payment. PTR explained it to her both what the payment was for and the need to resolve the issue but point blank refused! She has form for never being wrong and blamed me (don't know why as she hangs up if questioned)
Eventually resolved and both of us ask her to not pay money into my bank again - I cannot risk further investigations, possible account closures, marker on my account etc.
Friday she put money into my account for my ptr birthday - totally going against the request.
What can I do ?
I tried my bank after initial incident and they say cannot block payments.
It v much feels harassing, she knows our wishes but doesn't want to be told what to do.
Any thoughts? GP feel she's of sound mind as last year we raised some issues but she's good at masking her forgetfulness and mean behaviour.

Thanks

You also have to take into a count that if she dies within seven years then the money she has sent you will be included for estate duty.

@CarlaH she put it in in January and when speaking to the bank they discussed recent payments etc - they read my full name inc middle names and she told them she didn't recognise that transaction - all because she didn't know my middle names. Despite my first and last being very unusual.
Not blaming the bank or indeed her first confusion but her refusal to help right the error or listen is the issue

Because she forgot that’s what she’d done, then reported it as a fraudulent transaction.

then when it was pointed out that she must have known— instead of saying ‘sorry, my bad. I forgot about that’ denied it, meaning the OP had all the inconvenience of a suspended account with a fraud marker on it.

Sorry, OP, xpost.

@JockSmashnova
Spot on

I’ve been with First Direct for 27 years. All my banking is/was with them. (See below)
I too can recommend them.
If I was you, I’d move your account soon.
I’ve just opened an act with another bank alongside FD and transferred some funds for a particular project. Easy peasy without a hitch.

** Thinking ahead, perhaps you and your partner should consider Power of Attorney, financial & care for both parents? If you’re good at form filling you can do it for approx £84 for each form. Just read the guidance notes and the Office of the Public Guardian are very helpful on the phone too. I’ve done it for my mum. Saved a fortune in solicitors’ fees.

To be honest if someone's actions got my bank account closed because they're a forgetful moron I wouldn't like them either.

If you've got fraud markers etc, are you going to be able to open a new account?

@Stratocumulus
We approached poa a few years ago before fil became incapable but both refused - very much lacking of trust in there children / anyone who isn't them essentially

@Flustercuckoo
It was lifted following the investigation but it's something to maybe double check 👍

Oh right I see. thanks for explanation.

Why is MIL putting money into your account resulting in fraud investigation? Unless it is thousands of pounds every week, it should be ok. DM transferred some to me (4 transactions in total), but I haven't heard from the bank or anyone else. V strange reaction from the bank.

Have you asked the bank for their advice? If you flag the payments up at the time when they come in, they might be able to protect you against investigations in future? Especially because it will be from the same account as they've investigated before.

Just ask your bank to change your account; this should be a free service and they will also change all the regular automated payments you make from it. You'll have a minor inconvenience of informing your employer to redirect your pay, etc.

Then close the account whose number MIL knows and she won't be able to deposit money in it.

@Watchkeys
I have raised it with my bank, they cannot block payment or stop her bank raising fraud query and all banks are bound by regs to investigate if other bank raises it. My bank could see history and everything I said was spot on before but could lift the investigation and suspension until her bank closed their query

@Bigsislookingforadvice oh I realized that you don't want her money, I just meant if you left your old account any money she transferred over wouldn't get mixed with your normal account and that way if you went through the fraud investigation again it would only impact that account and not your day to day one.

Don't change banks. Open a new account with the existing bank who are aware of the situation and ask then to assist with moving direct debits and standing orders. It will be an easier process. When everything is moved, close the first one. Easy,simple,no drama.

Why on earth are your bank raising fraud investigations, surely it's not 1000,s

OP’s bank didn’t raise a fraud investigation, it was her mother in law’s bank because MIL forgot she’d paid money into ops account. When asked if she recognised the name of the payee she said she didn’t know that person.
OP has explained this several times through the thread.