Father’s Day Support Thread for this of us with useless/horrible/missing fathers

[sweetkitty]

Facebook is full of lovely “greatest Dad in the world” posts this morning which is lovely. Also feel so sad for people who have lost their beloved fathers such a difficult day for them too.

But there’s those of us kind of in the middle who have fathers who were less than great. Mine did absolutely nothing for me growing up, left me with an abusive narc mother. To this day he barely acknowledges his grandchildren. I’ve made my peace with it, some of us just don’t get loving parents, it’s made me a better parent, I broke the cycle, we will focus on DH today, he’s a great Dad to my DC.

so very unmumsnetty hugs to anyone else feeling a wee bit meh this morning.

My sons father is barely present in his life I don't feel anything, to me it's just another day

I think in situations like these:

Stay off social media. A bit like on Valentines Day, New Year and Christmas.

Ignore the day or do something nice with it for you. Repurpose the day somehow.

Easier said than done. My own father was worse than useless, so incredibly emotionally void. But today is my husbands first fathers' day, and his dads first as a grandfather. Hard to avoid it and the feelings it brings.

Never knew my father and my DC’s father left for the OW last year. You couldn’t make it up but got to keep moving forward!

Fathers day is one of those reminders of a culture wide assumption that a male biological parent is automatically a loving and kind presence. Mine was either neglecting or raging. I think there is a slow move towards a more realistic society that can acknowledge that there are many fathers who do more harm then good. 50 years ago divorce was only just becoming acceptable and the culture was that you can make a relationship work with anyone. Gradually I think we're accepting that it's the same in every sphere. That no relationship should exist where there is cruelty or a refusal to accept responsibility for wrong doing. This fathers day I am thinking about this.

My 2 teenagers don't have their dad in their life due to his behaviour and lifestyle, their choice.
They bought my DH a Father's Day card instead seeing as he's done more in the last 10 years than their dad ever has

I’m glad to find this thread. I have been NC with my dad for over three years. This year my mum has again asked me to send him a Father’s Day message (they’re still together) as he’s in hospital and apparently pretty seriously ill with heart problems. I’m really torn about what to do. I don’t want to resume a relationship or open up a conversation but am wondering if I reach out in case something happens to him.

DH is also struggling today as we lost our firstborn so he’s feeling the pain of her not being here. Argh such a blinking minefield!

My dad left when I was 2 and my brother has just been born. His brother, my uncles, was really into family trees and tracked me down. He gave my dad my phone # so he called me, when I was 28 to say 'long time no see'. He thought it was funny. I entertained it and developed an easy going sometimes friendship with him and introduced him to my brother, his son. My brother was extremely ill....paranoid schizophrenia, dad told him one night he didn't think he was his child. I mever spoke to him again