DH and I have been married for 13 years. We met when we were 19. My husband is in the armed forces and we have travelled to many different places with his career and currently liv overseas with our 3 children. I’m in my final year of a degree and don’t currently earn a great deal, as often happens to the trailing spouse.
DH has some good qualities. He is vibrant, loyal, committed and puts family first for the most part. However, there are some issues I’m struggling to move past.
Firstly, I don’t like the way he talks to me. Life can be stressful and whilst I’ve been studying, DH has had to take on more responsibilities within the house. He is hands on around the house anyway, but working, studying and taking the kids to clubs, plus sorting most of the general family admin, leaves me little to no time. DH is adamant he doesn’t want a cleaner. However, he has a go at me for not doing more. I literally have zero time, I’m running myself into the ground as it is and I have voiced my opinion that we need a cleaner since before my studies started. He thinks he does 90% of the family responsibilities and that’s simply not true. As I said, my week is spent taking the kids to clubs, play dates etc, ensuring the kids have everything they need for school/school trips, sorting presents for birthday parties, I organise our kids birthday parties, I ensure the kids have cash for school events, I pay the dinner money bills, sort all of our finances.
The other day, DH asked me to help him sort the garden after one of my kids had a play date. When I went to go outside, one of my kids was crying about something. I cuddled them for a few minutes then went to the garden. DH had taken some bedding off the washing line and handed it to me. So I took the bedding upstairs and made up the beds. DH later had a go at me for not helping with the garden. Apparently i never help him. Even when he asks for help, he's left to crack on alone! I just cant win.
Also, DH is from a male dominant family, and his dad is very chauvinistic. This sometimes shines through in some of his behaviours.
He sees and appreciates nothing I do and feels hard done by. He snaps at me. On friday, we were out late with the kids. When we got home, our youngest (age 6) was crying over absolutely everything. He kept going and going telling her to stop. Even once she was calm, he kept going about how she shouldnt cry at him like that. literally was going ridiculously slow helping her get bathed, trying to get some apology out of her. She was hours late to bed, exhausted and couldnt think straight and he just kept dragging the whole thing out. Despite it being obvious she was in no fit state to reason with. She was calming down and he was still going on and on making her cry again.
I just feel so unhappy and can't see a way forward for us. Does anyone have any advice?