Feeling fed up and lonely

[Cherryblossom200]

Hi everyone,

I think I should feel grateful for my situation, I am a full time single parent to an amazing 8 year old. She is wonderful, so I can't complain. I have a good job, have my own house, great family close by and a great network of friends.

I've been single since having my child, I have just loved being a parent and wanted to focus solely on that. I have a friend in the same situation as me, and she has had about 4 relationships in the last 8 years, her poor child doesn't seem that happy and I don't blame him. I just didn't want this for my child.

Up until recently I was happy on my own, but now my child is getting older I'm starting to really miss being in a loving relationship. I see all the families in the weekend and I yearn for it. My friends are amazing, but they are all married. They invite me out all the time, but I can't help feel people just feel sorry for me. Not sure why I feel that.

In general I am happy, I'm busy during the week with work/clubs etc. I go to the gym at lunchtime so I get to be around people if I need it. I travel with my child, go camping just the two of us - I want her to see as much of the world as possible.

But I just feel fed up at the moment. I don't know why. I just feel sad. It's not something I've felt before.

It's the weekends. Especially when the sun is out. I walk past houses with family bbq's and people having fun and I just feel awful I can't have the same or provide my child the same set up. I feel I've let her down for some reason.

I'm proud of what I have achieved, people all the time tell me what a lovely house I have and all I provide for my child. But something is missing.

I'd love to meet someone, but being a full time parent means meeting someone is difficult. I don't have a problem attracting people, but I can't see how can I sustain the dating process when I have my child all the time. My parents are older and I don't like relying on them it feels unfair. So I kind of feel stuck.

Not sure what I'm wanting from this, maybe I just want to vent how I'm feeling.

My DD is currently sat curled up next to me and I feel the luckiest person alive, but just wish something things were different.

It’s really difficult when you don’t have anyone to babysit when dating, I was single for years for this reason, only now mine are older I’ve dated. But maybe you could get a babysitter every week or so to date? Many people use online dating now

My mum met her DP more than a decade ago and he didn't mind the fact she had me.

They are still together, and they are still very happy. He's a decent man who knows how to fix things and we are cordial to each other. Our family respects him and appreciates him a lot.

Not to boast (my mum has been known as a bit of a Harpy), just saying that the right guy won't mind and having a kid won't be a hindrance.

And you seem much nicer and kinder than my overbearing mother, so I have hopes that it's possible to meet a decent person for someone like you.

@Cherryblossom200

I'm a solo parent by choice in my late 30s (I had my child using a sperm donor) and am a full time working parent. I knew before going into this that if I'm successful in conceiving that would most likely put an end to any sort of meaningful dating. I don't have family nearby and can't afford babysitting long term as paying for full time nursery. I also don't want someone to have to be introduced to my child soon because of my circumstances. It's also long term plans too, I can't ever go away for a night, weekend, a holiday without my child. I can never be in a position to be without my parenting responsibilities until my child llis enough to be left home unsupervised

I have gone on occasional coffee dates in the last year almost to remind myself that I'm not missing out (I did OLD for years in order to try and meet a partner and it didn't produce any viable relationships) so I'm accepting of my situation for the time being.

Obviously casual dynamics are much easier to find and it's something I'm considering.

Thanks everyone, this wasn't by choice to be single. I was in a relationship (not for a huge length of time) but long enough. We were in our late 30's so not kids, he left once he found I was pregnant. So he may as well of been a sperm donor 😂

I don't know any different tbh, I feel so lucky to be a parent, but I'm now in my mid - late 40's feel my time has ran out to meet someone.

It's so strange, I was invited to the pub yesterday after school with friends, but I had to go home and finish up work first. It's a lovely pub with a play area, the kids have a great time. By the time I was able to go everyone was leaving. I don't know why, but I felt so deflated. These opportunities don't come around for me all the time, I value the company of other people in the weekend because a lot of the time my friends are with their own families. I literally cried myself to sleep, I felt so silly in the morning.

I think I was also upset that my DD lost an opportunity to play with her friends as she's an only child.

Yeah I think it's a bit of a challenge. The sun is shining, people are out with their mates.

I've been on a trip a few weeks ago, and I got so tired because people I met there were all so happy. In turn, that made loneliness worse bc you are seeing something that's difficult to experience.

I don't feel like there's an expiry date on love and romance --- there are lots of people who have been through similar experiences.

You struggle because it is hard. And there is no perfect way to do it. It's healthy to get in touch with sadness because it slows you down and your body is able to tell you better what it needs.

Loneliness is dreadful. It can impact our energy levels as well. I think we're in this weird time period where people are more connected to their IG than each other x

You want what you think they have.

You don't really know what's going on with them.

Be careful what you wish for.

Ha ha you sound like my mum. My parents are still together, they love each other but their marriage has always been fractious and at times toxic. I think that's partly the reason I've made bad choices in my own romantic life. But hey. I'm also responsible for my own choices too which I understand.

I know what a healthy relationship looks like from observing friends. When I've mentioned to my mum how I sometimes feel bad about not being in a relationship, she reminds me that not all relationships are great - but sometimes I think she is referring to her own experience. So I have to be careful.

A lot of my friends are in good healthy relationships where you can see a lot of love and connection still there even after the chaos of kids. So it exists, it's out there and it's something I'd dearly love to have. Watching my friends make me happy, but also it makes me sad at times too. They don't have a lot of the worries I have to deal with on my own.