hi all my oldest sister and her children are coming to stay for the summer they live very far away and sadly I don’t get to see much of them but my parents visit and stay with them once a year in. I am dreading it, although I very much love my family the behaviour is awful. The children are 7 and 12, last year when they stayed I scolded the youngest one for misbehaving/ ripping up things he had a tantrum which I ignored and placed him in the corner. He continued screaming that the older child should be punished too as everything has to be equal. The older child was behaving fine so I ignored him. Later that evening I put the 7year old to bed and he had another tantrum because the 12 year old has to go to bed at the same time as it’s unfair they stay up later. I explained that when he’s older that he can stay up later. We read some books together then he went off to sleep. My sister was amazed as it turns out the 12 year old usually has to pretend to go to sleep with him then sneak out later. I was shocked and explained that I couldn’t understand why you would continually pander to the 7year old. My sister now states that the children are to be treated completely equally and whilst I agree to a degree the 12 year old should be allowed to stay up later and also play on the pc etc. When the 7 year old has tantrums my sister cuddles him and they have to change/ bend to what he wants. He has no boundaries. My sister has also mentioned that the children don’t have equal amount of savings and maybe my parents could donate more money to the 7 year old account to make it equal to the 12 year old. This is simply because the 12 year old has been alive longer/ had more bdays and the 7year old will eventually have the same amount with time.
I am dreading them coming because the children immediately expect attention from the adults and will literally climb on you and hold your face to get you to entertain them. I suspect the 7year old might have adhd and often I have to set up games and activities to entertain them as the parents just ignore and don’t comment on they children crawling on you. Other family members now choose not to stay with the family due to the poor behaviour. My sister gets angry that I’m keeping the children entertained and even accused me of winding the children up and causing their poor behaviour when I am not there. It’s so difficult because if I try and say anything she gets upset. I have no clue what to do other than avoid them/ don’t see them as much… any advice/ coping strategies gratefully appreciated… apologies for the long thread