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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feel like I’m boring him

7 replies

Sunshineyelloww · 16/06/2023 23:24

NC as worried someone will know it’s me posting and link to other posts. Married 9 years, have one DC who is a baby.

before DC husband and I bonded really through our social life - we went to gigs, music festivals, holidays abroad and always out at the pub or meals etc.

since I became pregnant (baby was planned) obviously our social life has taken a massive hit, even more so since DC was born. It’s affected DH more than me, despite us both wanting a child I think he didn’t realise the extent it would change our lives. We don’t have much help so it’s rare we go out alone.
I had a long recovery from birth (took 6 months) and I’m now back at work and I’m tired.

i feel like we’ve lost how we were. DH snaps at me for the smallest thing so feel like I’m on eggshells, I snap at him too about things such as housework, he’s never been great with doing his fair share but that’s another thing.

he just doesn’t seem that interested in me, barely looks at me, sighs when I talk.
I've finally started getting back to being active so have signed up for a running event, now apparently all I talk about is my training which is not true, and even though he says I can take a break and go for runs it sounds like he begrudges me when I do. I only go twice a week atm and it’s the only me thing I have. Anything i talk about he says it’s all I say so can’t win.

DH isn’t interested in having date nights at home which I’ve suggested as we can’t go out as much. Sex life is non existent since baby; mostly because of me recovering and now I’m just tired. To be fair he tried but I’ve been exhausted and we’ve both stopped trying. I initiated last couple of times and he hasn’t.

he tells me to go to my family’s with my DC so he can be alone sometimes, tells me to go to bed when it’s getting late (not in a caring you should rest way) if I’m watching something he tells me to turn it off so he can watch what he wants.

something is off, but at the same time he is thoughtful and will bring me home my fave wine occasionally but then he acts disinterested towards me.

i don’t know what to think anymore. I want us to work and I just feel sad.

OP posts:
HostaLuago · 16/06/2023 23:47

Children do place an awful lot of pressure on a relationship especially with selfish childish men but it sounds as though he has lost respect for you and is being cruel.

Is it possible he has had his head turned

Sunshineyelloww · 17/06/2023 12:56

I’ve wondered this but he never goes anywhere apart from work so I don’t think that’s the case.

OP posts:
Whattodowithit88 · 17/06/2023 13:36

His had his head turned. Doesn’t matter if he “just goes to work” you will be gobsmacked at what can happen at work!

SunflowerTed · 17/06/2023 13:41

Same. Thinking he has probably had his head turned

Jjjy · 17/06/2023 13:54

It might not be head turned. He might just not like having a child. I think it’s fairly common. You have lost your relationship along the way and this happens to a lot of couples. Splits/divorce are common in the early post baby years. Not sure what to suggest but you need to talk to him and tell him how you feel and let him tell you how he feels. You might not like the discussion though. Is there no support at all as if that they will make it 10 x harder to reconnect

Sunshineyelloww · 17/06/2023 14:47

Feel really stuck as we don’t have much help to go out just us two anymore, I suggest dates at home but it doesn’t really happen.
he works in the emergency services and works crazy hours also which doesn’t help.

OP posts:
EyelessArseFace · 17/06/2023 15:07

Sorry to say it, but cherchez la femme.

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