Husband not interested in me

[Beckymum123]

DH and I have been together 11 years, have a DD (7). DH is 10 years older than me with 2 older SC. We had quite a few challenges at the start of our relationship and DD was the result of a long and difficult IVF journey but life is now pretty good.
Now it’s smooth sailing I’m worried that my DH doesn’t seem that interested in me. We don’t chat about much. When we do have a nice opportunity eg a date night or sitting in the garden in summer I chat and he seems to shut it down a bit or walk away. This can vary from day to day stuff so me asking him how his day was and him not asking me, to bigger conversations such as making plans for the future. He shows no interest in my job or things he know is going on in my life. He is a good person and I love him very much but I think the dynamic of the relationship has always been that I’m more engaged than him.
Is this normal marriage stuff? Does anyone else feel like this??

It sounds like you are in a dry patch which isn’t unusual but if it carries on the marriage will die off, so I would talk to him about it and try and figure out what would improve it for you both. It doesn’t sound like he’s a king of communication, so you might have to be a bit patient, but don’t let it go and on. Be clear with him this is serous and he needs to engage.

Thanks @continentallentil
Its honestly getting me quite down. It feels a bit lonely at times which I’m sure is normal!
I’ll try to talk to him about it. It can be tricky as he doesn’t like to feel like he is being criticised. When I’ve brought up stuff like this in the past he can get quite defensive and arsey about it so would result in a fight which never helps anything.

Sounds very familiar OP. I think they get all defensive when we bring up problems so we won't bring up problems! They are avoidant silent ( sulking) types. It doesn't get better.
The usual advice here is to split and leave. If you don't want to do that another option is to turn elsewhere for your needs to friends, hobbies, clubs, volunteering. Maybe learning to communicate better could help but after a while you get burnt out. I think the best is to accept him as he is and seek fulfillment elsewhere. No one person can provide everything we need. Also, learn to love yourself more and try to make yourself happy on your own.
Best of luck. @Beckymum123

Is this normal marriage stuff

What difference does that make to you? If we tell you it's normal, you will dismiss your feelings? If we tell you it's not normal, you will feel validated?

Yes I can relate. I spoke ( or tired to) about it to him for years. In the end I disengaged as it was one sided, hard work and heart sink. Ended up in a massive falling out after he was having such a fantastic time all the spare hours he had, gaming online with a headset and microphone on laughing, joking, talking and showing interest in the lives of the other gamers on line and I sat there in my own night after night, weekend after weekend. I now have my own life and get all I need socially without any involvement from him at all. We are basically housemates. I chucked him out of the bedroom over a year ago and he's not coming back. I'm happier now than for years. That's my story. Basically I had too much patience for far too long and then I had none 🤷‍♀️.

Feels like this is where my relationship is headed. My partner spends all his social energy on his work colleagues or on online threads, he appears to give not a single thought to the healthiness of our relationship but he equally never really wants me to go out socially with others. I feel so resentful but also empty emotionally. Our connection is dwindling into nothingness and he is happy to sit by and let it happen in complete ignorance.