Do I let it slide?

[Saz125]

So I’m not sure if I’m overreacting or not so I just need some perspective please.

My partner is stressed with work atm and he warned me that the next 3 weeks is going to take a toll on him. Tonight I asked if he wanted dinner but he said it was to hot - I then asked if he wanted to go to the beach for a walk as it might be a bit cooler and it would get us out. He then said it would still he hot - I said ok I’m just trying to make sure we don’t get into a routine of sitting in etc especially as the weathers nice. We previously had a rough patch where we just didn’t bother doing things etc so I’m conscious that doesn’t happen again.

He then told me to ‘go fk yourself you miserable bh’ I was taken back as I wasn’t really sure what I did wrong. I know he’s stressed but I just wanted to spend some time with him and try to take his mind of things.

was it my fault ? Did I push him to far?

You didn’t push him far enough. Go do it properly, tell him never to come back again.

He sounds awful Op. Tell him that you'd like an apology and an explanation when he's cooled off.

That is awful he’s prewarned you in essence that he’s going to treat you terribly for 3 weeks and then because you’ll let him get away with it he’ll do it for the whole entire of your relationship. You need to leave.

No it wasn't your fault. He's a nasty arsehole.

Doesn't matter how stressed anyone is, there's no excuse for mistreating anyone.

Of course it’s not your fault. I’m so sorry that you find yourself with someone so vile. If my DH spoke to me like that I would read him the riot act. It’s not acceptable no matter how stressed someone is. 💐

I'm concerned that you don't see this as a clear sign to immediately end this relationship.

There is no coming back from this.

How long have you been together?

@Niceseasidetown we've been together 7 years

Do not let this slide.

Do not let him away with speaking to you like that.

Please leave him - you deserve better.

I get majorly stressed with work but I sure as hell don’t call my partner names because of this!
That’s no reason for him to call you awful things like that, seems like a very lonely place to be, being spoken to that way. I hope you don’t let him get away with this! You deserve better and should be demanding as much.

That’s a horrible thing to say. I’m sorry, I definitely couldn’t let it slide!

That is nasty! What the hell?
He does not handle stress well, does he?
Did he have remorse, apologize?

Saz, you must not let this slide.

Your nasty piece of work Partner has abused you with malicious venom and contempt. Being stressed does not give him license to verbally/emotionally punch you. I guarantee he is not mistreating his friends and colleagues.

Please send him packing or leave yourself, permanently. If you stick with him, this brute will diminish you beyond recognition.

How often is he like this?

I mean once is enough, right?

Wow! Initially I was reading your post thinking maybe you were pushing a bit but then I read his comment and that was shocking, does he have form for talking to you like this? Completely unacceptable!

@RememberNancyDrew he hasn’t apologised yet and I’m not sure if he will. The pattern is I will ask him to apologise he won’t because I’ve asked him and then he might apologise in a couple of days

Stress is absolutely no excuse for verbal abuse. His reluctance to apologise and take accountability for speaking to you like that is especially concerning.

Absolutely do not let this slide. It's tempting to do so in the hopes it was a one off, but letting it slide just let's him know "it's okay for you to speak to me like that".

You mention that he’s refused to apologise before, OP, so this isn’t a bizarre and unexpected one-off. You deserve better. I would not stay with someone who treated me like that.

“He then told me to ‘go fk yourself you miserable bh’ ”
“was it my fault ? Did I push him to far?”

Your fault? No. He just projected what he thinks about himself onto you.

Push him too far? I guess so. But it reflects badly on him, not you. This is how he handles being “pushed too far”. What are you supposed to do? Never talk to him or make suggestions in case it sets him off?

Don’t ask him to apologise. That’s for him to offer, unprompted. The fact that he won’t/you think he won’t, speaks volumes about him.

He needs to find a better way to handle stress than lashing out at you for asking a question.

Hope you said “if you ever speak to me like that again we’re done” and walked off.

Say it next time. And mean it.

There will be a next time.

I guess you are asking for the apology because he won't give it otherwise? Don't ask. See if he offers on his own.

But, really, once you say "pattern" then this is just who he is. A deeply unpleasant jerk who does not deserve your attention.

So it’s a pattern. Saz, how many more years will you tolerate this abuse?